Hello, all! Are we having a good Thursday? I know my one class today, for some reason, nearly killed me with boredom. No idea why, but I was sitting there thinking "shoot me now..." Maybe it's because I've had two helpings of Starbucks today and I'm running on caffeine and nerves. Just maybe. Anyway, how about we move on to the subject of today's entry?
Addison, my dear commenter, posted a comment on my Facebook about my last article, asking me to do a blog entry about what I think of chivalry, what the feminist view on it is, et cetera. Without further ado, I shall say this: politeness should have no gender, nor qualifying factors. If you will, take a moment to look at the Merriam-Webster online entry on chivalry. Please note specifically definition four: "the system, spirit, or customs of medieval knighthood." With only the word "medieval," we can rather fairly assume that the system, spirit, or customs at hand may be rather outmoded. Whether you're looking at medieval as a period in history or an adjective unto itself, the subtext is about the same - it's old.
Another thing - this was just brought up to me by a male friend I was having coffee with: chivalry itself was an ideal. It was not exactly adhered to in its own time - read some troubadour poetry or some of the Canterbury Tales. People were just as bawdy and base as they are now. Knights were rough and gross and actually had a fairly bad reputation for being violent, drunk, and destructive. Point the second - and I'll touch on this again - is that the chivalrous treatment of "ladies" had a very narrow definition to it. Basically, it only applied to women of title - if you actually were "Lady Something or Other." Women of lower station were considered just that - lower, and therefore undeserving of special treatment.
Before anybody jumps down my throat, saying that I'm complaining when men are just being nice to me... don't. I have no problems with anyone opening a door, offering me a seat, whatever. Those are polite things to do. My caveat is "What is the mindset behind it?" I like it when people are polite to me because I try my best to be polite to others. However, it goes a bit hand-in-hand with watching how people treat waitstaff: that is how they will eventually treat you. The mindset behind knights' chivalry when it came to treatment of women came with the assumption that "ladies" were delicate, confused little things who probably couldn't find a loo without assistance. I don't like that.
Backing up a little bit, there's something semi-related that's been flying round on Facebook and Tumblr that I would like to address. It's a picture of the Disney Princesses beside a picture of two young ladies who are scantily-clad and doing the "duck face." The caption on the picture is "Girls, you've gotta act like a princess if you want to catch a prince." There are so, so many things wrong with that. It goes back to the idea behind knightly chivalry. ONLY CERTAIN WOMEN WERE WORTHY OF IT. If you were this or that or the other thing, you were disqualified and nothing you ever did would make you worthy. You were a second-class citizen, barely more than a creature. You were there to provide booze and bodice - that was it. I detest the concept that a woman must be or act a certain way to be worthy of respect or affection.
If you are aiming to treat people with respect and dignity, you should treat everyone with respect and dignity - there should be no qualifying factor. If you get to the door first, hold it open for the people behind you instead of letting it drop. It's a polite thing to do. If you are seated and someone is struggling, whether they are elderly, have mobility issues, children, or cumbersome packages, and you are able-bodied, it is polite to offer your seat. Gender does not need to figure into the equation if the equation starts with "person appears to need assistance" or what have you. I do not believe for a second that one gender or another is more or less deserving of human dignity, politeness, and respect.
"Oh, but knights put their ladies on a pedestal and treated them with utmost respect!" you might say. Baloney! Sheer patootie, that is! One - I'll say it again - chivalry was an ideal, one of those really nice things to think about, philosophize, and immortalize in song and verse. Yeah, whatever! Two, when something or somebody's on a pedestal, guess what? They've got a little way to go and a long way to fall. Putting a person on a pedestal is actually a little dehumanizing once you think about it. Do that and you're not seeing them as a person - you're seeing an idea of them. Anything they do that goes against that idea cracks the image that you've created and all of a sudden the fall off that pedestal. Ever heard the term "soiled dove"? No? Okay, if you're not a Civil War re-enactor, that might be a little antiquated.
Guess what it refers to. Just guess. Yep! Prostitutes. Doves represent purity, right? (I don't really know where anybody got that idea. Doves are just pretty pigeons and the poo just as much.) The term meant that this woman had fallen off her pedestal and was now worthy of no more than pity at best, Hell itself at worst. She was barely even a human person anymore. That's pretty harsh, isn't it? You do something that somebody doesn't like and all of a sudden you are the worst, filthiest, vilest thing in the history of ever. You're not worthy of love or dignity, or even a decent burial when you die. Do we have the concept of "soiled doves" today? You bet we do - it's called slut-shaming.
Y'all, really. We have come so much farther than this. The ideas of knightly station and soiled doves should be left where they belong - in history. This world has become so progressive and come so far in so many ways. Look at the amazing things we've done! Surely a society that has what we have - our myriads of advancements, technology, and wonderful things - can do so much better. We have the capability - I really believe that. I also believe that things can change for the better. It just takes looking round and being proactive. You can do it yourself every day, by remembering that respect has no gender.
There's something my mom raised me with, and I think it's pertinent to share with all of you. You don't have to like everyone, and they don't have to like you. It's okay to disagree with people, even to dislike them. However, with that in mind, it is never, ever okay to be rude or mean or disrespectful to someone. There's a lot of things I disagree with my mom on, but this is one thing she taught me that I will always, always try my best to adhere to, no matter who I'm dealing with. I think the world in general will start to get on a lot better when more people take this into practice.
Marigold, on this lovely Thursday evening, reminding you stay excellent to each other!
Addison, my dear commenter, posted a comment on my Facebook about my last article, asking me to do a blog entry about what I think of chivalry, what the feminist view on it is, et cetera. Without further ado, I shall say this: politeness should have no gender, nor qualifying factors. If you will, take a moment to look at the Merriam-Webster online entry on chivalry. Please note specifically definition four: "the system, spirit, or customs of medieval knighthood." With only the word "medieval," we can rather fairly assume that the system, spirit, or customs at hand may be rather outmoded. Whether you're looking at medieval as a period in history or an adjective unto itself, the subtext is about the same - it's old.
Another thing - this was just brought up to me by a male friend I was having coffee with: chivalry itself was an ideal. It was not exactly adhered to in its own time - read some troubadour poetry or some of the Canterbury Tales. People were just as bawdy and base as they are now. Knights were rough and gross and actually had a fairly bad reputation for being violent, drunk, and destructive. Point the second - and I'll touch on this again - is that the chivalrous treatment of "ladies" had a very narrow definition to it. Basically, it only applied to women of title - if you actually were "Lady Something or Other." Women of lower station were considered just that - lower, and therefore undeserving of special treatment.
Before anybody jumps down my throat, saying that I'm complaining when men are just being nice to me... don't. I have no problems with anyone opening a door, offering me a seat, whatever. Those are polite things to do. My caveat is "What is the mindset behind it?" I like it when people are polite to me because I try my best to be polite to others. However, it goes a bit hand-in-hand with watching how people treat waitstaff: that is how they will eventually treat you. The mindset behind knights' chivalry when it came to treatment of women came with the assumption that "ladies" were delicate, confused little things who probably couldn't find a loo without assistance. I don't like that.
Backing up a little bit, there's something semi-related that's been flying round on Facebook and Tumblr that I would like to address. It's a picture of the Disney Princesses beside a picture of two young ladies who are scantily-clad and doing the "duck face." The caption on the picture is "Girls, you've gotta act like a princess if you want to catch a prince." There are so, so many things wrong with that. It goes back to the idea behind knightly chivalry. ONLY CERTAIN WOMEN WERE WORTHY OF IT. If you were this or that or the other thing, you were disqualified and nothing you ever did would make you worthy. You were a second-class citizen, barely more than a creature. You were there to provide booze and bodice - that was it. I detest the concept that a woman must be or act a certain way to be worthy of respect or affection.
If you are aiming to treat people with respect and dignity, you should treat everyone with respect and dignity - there should be no qualifying factor. If you get to the door first, hold it open for the people behind you instead of letting it drop. It's a polite thing to do. If you are seated and someone is struggling, whether they are elderly, have mobility issues, children, or cumbersome packages, and you are able-bodied, it is polite to offer your seat. Gender does not need to figure into the equation if the equation starts with "person appears to need assistance" or what have you. I do not believe for a second that one gender or another is more or less deserving of human dignity, politeness, and respect.
"Oh, but knights put their ladies on a pedestal and treated them with utmost respect!" you might say. Baloney! Sheer patootie, that is! One - I'll say it again - chivalry was an ideal, one of those really nice things to think about, philosophize, and immortalize in song and verse. Yeah, whatever! Two, when something or somebody's on a pedestal, guess what? They've got a little way to go and a long way to fall. Putting a person on a pedestal is actually a little dehumanizing once you think about it. Do that and you're not seeing them as a person - you're seeing an idea of them. Anything they do that goes against that idea cracks the image that you've created and all of a sudden the fall off that pedestal. Ever heard the term "soiled dove"? No? Okay, if you're not a Civil War re-enactor, that might be a little antiquated.
Guess what it refers to. Just guess. Yep! Prostitutes. Doves represent purity, right? (I don't really know where anybody got that idea. Doves are just pretty pigeons and the poo just as much.) The term meant that this woman had fallen off her pedestal and was now worthy of no more than pity at best, Hell itself at worst. She was barely even a human person anymore. That's pretty harsh, isn't it? You do something that somebody doesn't like and all of a sudden you are the worst, filthiest, vilest thing in the history of ever. You're not worthy of love or dignity, or even a decent burial when you die. Do we have the concept of "soiled doves" today? You bet we do - it's called slut-shaming.
Y'all, really. We have come so much farther than this. The ideas of knightly station and soiled doves should be left where they belong - in history. This world has become so progressive and come so far in so many ways. Look at the amazing things we've done! Surely a society that has what we have - our myriads of advancements, technology, and wonderful things - can do so much better. We have the capability - I really believe that. I also believe that things can change for the better. It just takes looking round and being proactive. You can do it yourself every day, by remembering that respect has no gender.
There's something my mom raised me with, and I think it's pertinent to share with all of you. You don't have to like everyone, and they don't have to like you. It's okay to disagree with people, even to dislike them. However, with that in mind, it is never, ever okay to be rude or mean or disrespectful to someone. There's a lot of things I disagree with my mom on, but this is one thing she taught me that I will always, always try my best to adhere to, no matter who I'm dealing with. I think the world in general will start to get on a lot better when more people take this into practice.
Marigold, on this lovely Thursday evening, reminding you stay excellent to each other!
Gender-based morality guidelines are, as you pointed out, medieval moral guidelines and concepts that were more ideologies than anything. Which is why I hate seeing people/women complain that "chivalry is dead" instead of doing something constructive about it, or trying to change from within. Women are far from the problem though, I'm just sounding off on a common man-criticism. Honestly men and women could go back-and-forth on the whole, 'who uses manners' and 'who deserves respect' all day long and never get anywhere, because to be honest, society has slowly lost respect for itself in recent years, especially considering the fact that the chivalry argument still exists. I'm sure every generations says the same thing about the next generation, but that of course means I have a right to complain doesn't it? =P
ReplyDeleteManners, or etiquette, have been hard to find in my experience, regardless of gender. I've always been thankful that my parents instilled so much emphasis on manners and presentation, because in all honesty, it affects my professional life, and I'm sure it has even affected my personal life consequently.
How do you get others to join the 'give-first' life-boat as opposed to the sinking 'receive-first' ship? The solution is the same old-song-and-dance we've heard for ages: treat others as equals, do onto others as you would have done onto yourself, all you need is love, and so forth. I think people can grasp multiple ideals and should merge gender-equality and respect in the same boat as anti-discrimination and go out of their way to be nice to each other. People have every opportunity in the world to be nice to each other, yet many, if not most, still shun common decency.
In an age where gender is supposedly equal, respect -indeed- should have no gender.
-- By the way I always learn a new vocabulary word (or two)) from each blog entry I read. I think "soiled-dove" might be the most unique and applicable one yet though... =P