http://www.thenation.com/blog/172156/asking-it#
I don't want to make this blog entirely about commentary from other people's articles, but Jessica Valenti is a feminist whom I respect. I have read all of her books and loved them - she tells it like it is. And in her article for The Nation, she makes some terribly good points. Please, go click the link and, before you even read the piece, look at the picture at the top. I feel this is extremely, terrifyingly pertinent to the con scene: a young woman in a nun's habit bearing a sign that says "Clothes don't make you rape-proof." I always hear people complaining about skimpy costumes and saying that, well, if things happen at cons, well then that's just part of life.
STAMP ON IT! Just squash that thought right freaking now. Here, I'll break it down real, real simple. Lists make everything a little easier, don't they.
Things that do not cause rape:
Here's an easy thing to remember: Yes means yes. Just to be on the safe side, please go with "Anything other than yes means no." Don't be that guy. Recognize that our society has really, really screwy ideas of what's macho. And on the flip side, am I calling you a misogynist for wanting to cosplay Han Solo or Thor or anybody else? NO! You can be a manly-man all you want! That's cool by me! Just don't translate "manly-man" into "raging, misogynistic jerkbag." Please, do not make me insult your intelligence by making me explain the difference.
I love con guys. Y'all are a great bunch and I certainly wouldn't have stayed in the con scene for so long if I hadn't felt accepted and loved and safe all these years. I got my first kiss at a convention! Being raised Roman Catholic and in a small town in the South, conventions opened my eyes to sex-, body-, and female-positivity. What's really sad, though, is that while we frown on the frat boys, some con guys have even worse ideas of women and here's why... Because the girls they (we) are working at aren't real. There is no way to measure up to that, and the fantasy worlds some of these men create are dangerous to real, live women. What I'm asking you, men of the nerd set, to do is this: recognize where things are screwy and speak up. Guess what? Aretha Franklin had it right - guys who RESPECT girls are the ones who wind up getting REALLY GOOD action!
Let me run that by you guys again. This is going to sound really patronizing, but it's so sad that so many guys don't know this. Those of you who already know this, bear with me and repeat it long and loud to the dudes who don't know: when you treat a woman like a person, not an object, good things happen. A woman who is not intimidated or pressured is a woman who is more likely to share her own desires - and you can be pleasantly surprised by what she wants. Yep! When she feels safe, she feels good, and when she feels good, she is likely to want to share that.
Before I go any further and touch the concept of "friendzoning", I'm going to just say "That's another show!" and return to watching The Avengers!
Marigold/Hyper-chan, cuddling a puppy on the couch, wishing you a good night!
I don't want to make this blog entirely about commentary from other people's articles, but Jessica Valenti is a feminist whom I respect. I have read all of her books and loved them - she tells it like it is. And in her article for The Nation, she makes some terribly good points. Please, go click the link and, before you even read the piece, look at the picture at the top. I feel this is extremely, terrifyingly pertinent to the con scene: a young woman in a nun's habit bearing a sign that says "Clothes don't make you rape-proof." I always hear people complaining about skimpy costumes and saying that, well, if things happen at cons, well then that's just part of life.
STAMP ON IT! Just squash that thought right freaking now. Here, I'll break it down real, real simple. Lists make everything a little easier, don't they.
Things that do not cause rape:
- Wearing "skimpy" or "risque" costumes.
- Portraying very sexual characters (Faye Valentine, for example)
- Drinking.
- Doing the first two and drinking.
- Making out.
- Sex.
- A culture that protects, glorifies, and promotes male entitlement.
- Victim-blaming (men AND women do this).
- Misinformation of what rape is - much of it intentional.
- ... RAPISTS.
Here's an easy thing to remember: Yes means yes. Just to be on the safe side, please go with "Anything other than yes means no." Don't be that guy. Recognize that our society has really, really screwy ideas of what's macho. And on the flip side, am I calling you a misogynist for wanting to cosplay Han Solo or Thor or anybody else? NO! You can be a manly-man all you want! That's cool by me! Just don't translate "manly-man" into "raging, misogynistic jerkbag." Please, do not make me insult your intelligence by making me explain the difference.
I love con guys. Y'all are a great bunch and I certainly wouldn't have stayed in the con scene for so long if I hadn't felt accepted and loved and safe all these years. I got my first kiss at a convention! Being raised Roman Catholic and in a small town in the South, conventions opened my eyes to sex-, body-, and female-positivity. What's really sad, though, is that while we frown on the frat boys, some con guys have even worse ideas of women and here's why... Because the girls they (we) are working at aren't real. There is no way to measure up to that, and the fantasy worlds some of these men create are dangerous to real, live women. What I'm asking you, men of the nerd set, to do is this: recognize where things are screwy and speak up. Guess what? Aretha Franklin had it right - guys who RESPECT girls are the ones who wind up getting REALLY GOOD action!
Let me run that by you guys again. This is going to sound really patronizing, but it's so sad that so many guys don't know this. Those of you who already know this, bear with me and repeat it long and loud to the dudes who don't know: when you treat a woman like a person, not an object, good things happen. A woman who is not intimidated or pressured is a woman who is more likely to share her own desires - and you can be pleasantly surprised by what she wants. Yep! When she feels safe, she feels good, and when she feels good, she is likely to want to share that.
Before I go any further and touch the concept of "friendzoning", I'm going to just say "That's another show!" and return to watching The Avengers!
Marigold/Hyper-chan, cuddling a puppy on the couch, wishing you a good night!
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