It's Tuesday!!! You know what that means? Yep! A new article here on Magical Girl Power! Today, I'm talking to the guys who read this blog. (It's okay, Addison - I see you!) I really, truly hope to several different gods, goddesses, and Arnold-shaped gum-shrines that this is common-sense. Obviously, though, since there's still books and articles and all kinds of things being written about it, it's not - so I figured I'd go ahead and add my two cents in!
http://feministing.com/2011/04/05/the-un-funny-unfair-and-un-feminist-thing-about-victim-blaming/
Victim-blaming. Dudes, I know it's normally women talking to women about victim-blaming. This kinda needs to stop, and I mean now. There's something really scary about victim-blaming, and it's not just how a girl has to be afraid that if something bad happens to her it's her fault. Men, the other side is that how if something bad (rape) happens to a woman, it's not your fault. Yep, something bad happening to someone else is not your fault. Go back, read it again as many times as you need for it to sink in. I'll show you a picture so you know what I mean.
How do you like that? It leaves a really bad taste to me... Yes, I'm a woman, so I will never, ever, in a million years understand what it is like to be a man. I do, however, know that it feels really bad to be told that, because of who or what I am, I am more likely to hurt someone. Do you want people naturally assuming that you can't keep your hands to yourself because what someone is wearing? I really, really hope not. I don't care if an obsession with Sailor Mercury has been 'your thing' since you first got confused about why an animated woman was hot. Keep your sticky paws off the cute Sailor Mercury cosplayer until you have an established "yes"!
You know how I just said that every time women bring other women down, the patriarchy wins? Okay, maybe you (everyone but Addison!) didn't read that one. Let me spell it out another way: when men harm and victimize, they are keeping the status quo as well. They're holding up a dangerous ideal of machismo with impunity AND IT MAKES ALL MEN LOOK BAD! Guess what? When dudes act like that, YOU - the actual good man - are less likely to find sexual satisfaction. Warning: don't talk to me about friendzoning, because I will shut you down. That's probably going to be Thursday's article, if nothing else pops up.
Here's my take on this, from personal experience. I went to a small Catholic middle and high school. I remember what it was like for the counselor to come in when we were all about 13 or so, send the boys out of the room, and "have a talk" with the girls. About half of us had all come from the same elementary school. When Mrs. D. [name withheld] started to talk about how boys were about to start getting urges, I started to get the urge to get sick. She started telling us how boys were sinful and how it was up to us to maintain virtue and purity. You know, don't be alone with boys or they'll want to get touchy and, oh by the way, it's our fault if we "let them." It immediately told us two things: 1. Obviously, their virtue is MORE important if we have to do double-duty so they can keep it, watching after ourselves AND them. 2. My male friends were about to want to do me bodily harm and not be able to control themselves.
Sorry-not-sorry... SCREW THAT! I was not about to swallow for a minute that my friends' natural state was that of some mindless, violent beast, and you shouldn't have to either. Men, whether you like women, men, both, or something in between, stand up! I don't care if you act like gentlemen or Disney princes or Han Solo or whoever. Just stand up and act like good, decent human beings, for the sake of every other human being. I'll say this until I'm green in the face (which is closer than it might seem!) and it's that we're all in this together. When someone says girls shouldn't do this, that, or the other thing, call them out on their bullshit! Try this: you hear someone talking about how "girls shouldn't dress slutty." Look them dead in the eye and ask them "So, do you really think I'm totally incapable of, you know, not raping someone just because of their clothes?" Tell them you're offended because they just impugned YOUR character.
Bottom line: whatever character anybody's cosplaying, be sure you HAVE some character too.
Marigold/Hyper-chan, standing up for guys in the name of feminism, saying have a lovely day!
http://feministing.com/2011/04/05/the-un-funny-unfair-and-un-feminist-thing-about-victim-blaming/
Victim-blaming. Dudes, I know it's normally women talking to women about victim-blaming. This kinda needs to stop, and I mean now. There's something really scary about victim-blaming, and it's not just how a girl has to be afraid that if something bad happens to her it's her fault. Men, the other side is that how if something bad (rape) happens to a woman, it's not your fault. Yep, something bad happening to someone else is not your fault. Go back, read it again as many times as you need for it to sink in. I'll show you a picture so you know what I mean.
How do you like that? It leaves a really bad taste to me... Yes, I'm a woman, so I will never, ever, in a million years understand what it is like to be a man. I do, however, know that it feels really bad to be told that, because of who or what I am, I am more likely to hurt someone. Do you want people naturally assuming that you can't keep your hands to yourself because what someone is wearing? I really, really hope not. I don't care if an obsession with Sailor Mercury has been 'your thing' since you first got confused about why an animated woman was hot. Keep your sticky paws off the cute Sailor Mercury cosplayer until you have an established "yes"!
You know how I just said that every time women bring other women down, the patriarchy wins? Okay, maybe you (everyone but Addison!) didn't read that one. Let me spell it out another way: when men harm and victimize, they are keeping the status quo as well. They're holding up a dangerous ideal of machismo with impunity AND IT MAKES ALL MEN LOOK BAD! Guess what? When dudes act like that, YOU - the actual good man - are less likely to find sexual satisfaction. Warning: don't talk to me about friendzoning, because I will shut you down. That's probably going to be Thursday's article, if nothing else pops up.
Here's my take on this, from personal experience. I went to a small Catholic middle and high school. I remember what it was like for the counselor to come in when we were all about 13 or so, send the boys out of the room, and "have a talk" with the girls. About half of us had all come from the same elementary school. When Mrs. D. [name withheld] started to talk about how boys were about to start getting urges, I started to get the urge to get sick. She started telling us how boys were sinful and how it was up to us to maintain virtue and purity. You know, don't be alone with boys or they'll want to get touchy and, oh by the way, it's our fault if we "let them." It immediately told us two things: 1. Obviously, their virtue is MORE important if we have to do double-duty so they can keep it, watching after ourselves AND them. 2. My male friends were about to want to do me bodily harm and not be able to control themselves.
Sorry-not-sorry... SCREW THAT! I was not about to swallow for a minute that my friends' natural state was that of some mindless, violent beast, and you shouldn't have to either. Men, whether you like women, men, both, or something in between, stand up! I don't care if you act like gentlemen or Disney princes or Han Solo or whoever. Just stand up and act like good, decent human beings, for the sake of every other human being. I'll say this until I'm green in the face (which is closer than it might seem!) and it's that we're all in this together. When someone says girls shouldn't do this, that, or the other thing, call them out on their bullshit! Try this: you hear someone talking about how "girls shouldn't dress slutty." Look them dead in the eye and ask them "So, do you really think I'm totally incapable of, you know, not raping someone just because of their clothes?" Tell them you're offended because they just impugned YOUR character.
Bottom line: whatever character anybody's cosplaying, be sure you HAVE some character too.
Marigold/Hyper-chan, standing up for guys in the name of feminism, saying have a lovely day!
Good post is good.
ReplyDeleteSigned, a man.
I've heard many, many different analogies of varying quality and accuracy on the whole 'promiscuous female is just asking for it' routine, but the fact of the matter is that one plus one is always going to equal two. If someone is susceptible enough to be lured into committing a crime, then they are either mentally handicapped or guilty of said crime.
ReplyDeleteAs a guy, I have difficulty trying to understand where this attitude comes from though. When is it ever acceptable to control someone without their consent? Why is sex an exception for some people? Perhaps the men who accuse women of dressing too scantily have a bad history with women and have some underlying issues? Hell, I don't know, I always feel like blaming it on the fact that people are stupid; and yes I said "people" because as I just read in the article you posted, apparently women sometimes like to jump on the retarded-man-theory bandwagon occasionally as well.
I'm very androgynous when it comes to gender roles, so I couldn't imagine being quarantined as you were in Catholic school and being told how to behave based on my gender. I suppose your teachers had to find some way of scaring the daylights out of you kids concerning sex. -- I wonder what they told the boys in the other room? =P --
For the record though, most guys, or at least myself and many guys I know, have the fear of women crying rape instilled in us. I've been told from several different adults including my parents that courts will always side with women over rape disputes, and that a woman accusing you of rape (with or without merit) will land you in jail overnight with a possible sex offense mark on your record. Of course all of this, as far as I know, is hearsay, and I assume is a rape prevention scare-tactic.
-- Also, not to make this a blog within' a blog or anything, but while we're on the subject, I think the word "slut" needs to be worked out of our vocabulary. It's a highly sexist word that would seem to me to be detrimental to the interests of male and female alike. Men want more sex (right)? Why the hell are they going to belittle women (by calling them sluts) for wanting to have sex as well? It just seems counter-intuitive to me, so we're back again to people/guys being hateful and stupid again, so much for that.