Can we agree that it's time they stop being used "for serious"? Not trying to be a buzzkill - I'm sure they've worked for somebody at some point, but whatever. I personally find them tired, obnoxious, and if I really look at it carefully, kind of insidious! Ladies, are you tired of lines like... Oh, let me think of some of the gems I've heard... There's the classic "Did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven?" and all the seventy zillion incarnations of that? At best, it's mildly funny. Yes, sometimes it's a conversation-starter... when you can tell he's oh-so-totally joking. Nice guys aren't serious about lines like that, right? At the worst, it's just annoying, right?
Well, give this a think: when a guy uses a pick-up line AND HE'S SERIOUS, guess what that means! It means he thinks that he is somehow entitled to your time. (Parenthetic note: Everyone has different things that they are and are not comfortable with. If something rubs you or me the wrong way and we don't agree, that's cool.) Pick-up lines, "hollering at" women, staring, leering, drooling - at best, they're kind of funny and at worst they're just kind of annoying. But ladies, what about that creepy feeling it might give you? That feeling of "I'd better at least give him a pity laugh or he'll get mad." And what if you give him that pity laugh and he takes that as an okay and all of a sudden you're stuck making small talk with this guy for fear of seeming "rude." It's not "nice" to just walk away from some dumb jerkbag who thinks your time is his... just because!
Bump the hell out of that! This behavioral garbage is nothing more than a sense of entitlement! Yep! You read that right! Just because someone is female, males are magically entitled to her time. Ladies, guess what belongs to you? Guess. YOU do. Your body, your smile, your eye contact, your space, your time. You deserve the right to smile at someone because it's a decent, human thing to do - we are BORN to smile! We all are! Look at all the pictures of smiling babies! People write down baby's first smile in the baby book! You do not deserve to have to smile at some guy and pretend his rubbishy line was funny just because of that lingering thought "How bad could he hurt me if he wanted to?" And that's what it is, isn't it? Every time you pity-laugh, or give him that "eeeh..." smile, hide in a book to avoid making eye contact because there's a dude at the bookstore staring at you.
It's fear. You know what fear does? It limits you. It limits everyone. As Alton Brown says, however, that's another show. I have a LOT to say on the culture of fear - and not just involving women. Instead of lamenting, however, let's move on to practical things we can do to counter fear.
Guys, here's a tip (not promoting chauvinist, protectivist attitudes): if you wouldn't like someone saying something to your mother, your sister, your best female friend, cousin, aunt, daughter - any woman in your life - do not say it to a woman you do not know. Guys again, guess what? When you step back and take a look at your behavior, you may be doing things that creep women out without even knowing it! This can be especially true (I know stereotypes are baaaaaaaad things, but some people exemplify them) at a convention.
Some basics that I think we can all agree on:
Marigold/Hyper-chan, saying (in Yakko Warner's voice) "Good night, everybody!"
Well, give this a think: when a guy uses a pick-up line AND HE'S SERIOUS, guess what that means! It means he thinks that he is somehow entitled to your time. (Parenthetic note: Everyone has different things that they are and are not comfortable with. If something rubs you or me the wrong way and we don't agree, that's cool.) Pick-up lines, "hollering at" women, staring, leering, drooling - at best, they're kind of funny and at worst they're just kind of annoying. But ladies, what about that creepy feeling it might give you? That feeling of "I'd better at least give him a pity laugh or he'll get mad." And what if you give him that pity laugh and he takes that as an okay and all of a sudden you're stuck making small talk with this guy for fear of seeming "rude." It's not "nice" to just walk away from some dumb jerkbag who thinks your time is his... just because!
Bump the hell out of that! This behavioral garbage is nothing more than a sense of entitlement! Yep! You read that right! Just because someone is female, males are magically entitled to her time. Ladies, guess what belongs to you? Guess. YOU do. Your body, your smile, your eye contact, your space, your time. You deserve the right to smile at someone because it's a decent, human thing to do - we are BORN to smile! We all are! Look at all the pictures of smiling babies! People write down baby's first smile in the baby book! You do not deserve to have to smile at some guy and pretend his rubbishy line was funny just because of that lingering thought "How bad could he hurt me if he wanted to?" And that's what it is, isn't it? Every time you pity-laugh, or give him that "eeeh..." smile, hide in a book to avoid making eye contact because there's a dude at the bookstore staring at you.
It's fear. You know what fear does? It limits you. It limits everyone. As Alton Brown says, however, that's another show. I have a LOT to say on the culture of fear - and not just involving women. Instead of lamenting, however, let's move on to practical things we can do to counter fear.
Guys, here's a tip (not promoting chauvinist, protectivist attitudes): if you wouldn't like someone saying something to your mother, your sister, your best female friend, cousin, aunt, daughter - any woman in your life - do not say it to a woman you do not know. Guys again, guess what? When you step back and take a look at your behavior, you may be doing things that creep women out without even knowing it! This can be especially true (I know stereotypes are baaaaaaaad things, but some people exemplify them) at a convention.
Some basics that I think we can all agree on:
- Refrain from commenting on someone's personal appearance or body.
- Okay comment: "Cool costume - you make a great Arwen."
- Not-okay comment: "Nice legs!"
- Do not touch any person without their consent.
- Yes, that does mean ask before hugging. Some people are really not touchy.
- Every person's body is their own. Be prepared to take no for an answer. Sorry, not sorry, but if you cannot take the word "no" for an answer, please stay home.
- Take personal space into account.
- Err on the side of caution. To ensure comfort of both parties, please take the larger person's arm's length as a good "yardstick."
- If a place is too crowded/loud for comfortable conversing, agree to take the conversation to a less crowded place. (This also keeps the noise level down - inside voices, please!)
- If someone backs away from you, it just means you are too close. Don't take it personally. Some folks have a bigger "bubble" than others.
- Don't sniff people.
- No, seriously, I've had that problem.
Marigold/Hyper-chan, saying (in Yakko Warner's voice) "Good night, everybody!"
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