Good morning, my darlings! Yes, you get a blog post before noon because I am somehow awake before noon on a Thursday. Anybody recognize the title of this post? Well, besides being one of the more annoying Disney songs to me, it's a subject I hadn't thought about in years. In conversation with a friend last night, though, it got brought up. Side note: Yes, I will continue to focus on ladies from Les Mis and Rurouni Kenshin, but probably as random spotlight pieces. A writer's mind can be entirely too spastic to stick on one subject for weeks at a time. Yes, yes, I know that other times we fixate on things for months, but right now, I've hit on one subject: whistling.
I don't mean whistling while you work, or whistling a happy tune and making believe you're brave, but I will give bonus points to anyone who caught that second reference. I mean an oft-parodied form of street harassment. Who here grew up watching Looney Tunes? Who remembers Tex Avery's classic zoot-suited Hollywood Wolf? Heaven only knows I did, and I do! Remember how a gal (or Elmer Fudd in a dress) would get whistled at and the whistler's head turned into a wolf's head? This, friends - in case you didn't know/infer from context clues - is called a wolf whistle.
You may call me a "bad" feminist or whatever (refer to my saying on "You can't be a feminist and..."), but I personally don't mind them. I have occasionally been whistled at in public, but to be perfectly honest, I find it a little cute and mostly funny. Maybe I did watch too much television as a child, but hey, even Mickey Mouse has whistled at Minnie before. I hate street harassment. I don't think it's cute or funny in any way. However, apparently childhood cartoons mostly produced before 1950 knocked the bone out of my head that qualified whistling as harassment. It's also endearing with people you know well who "get the joke" - i.e. they are Looney Tunes/early Mickey fans too.
Of course, not every woman is going to feel the same as me and there are certainly women who would think whistling is just as offensive as any other form of harassment. I definitely would not recommend actually whistling at a stranger in public. What is printed above refers to my own feelings and mine alone. Read: Don't try this at home. We all knew I would get to a "don't try this at home" moment eventually, so let's have a slow clap or something...
On the subject of street harassment, I say again: no, it's not cute or funny. A lot of people say there's fuzzy lines or gray area or wiggle room here. This is just me, but I would prefer to err on the side of caution. In the interest of full disclosure, I am not perfect. I am guilty of rolling down my car window to yell "YOU'RE HOT!" at a male jogger. In my absolutely non-water-holding defense, he looked like Ryan Gosling - that's still not an excuse, I repeat. Backtracking a bit, though, just... refrain from doing things like that.
What is street harassment? In general, it's "hollering" at women on the street or otherwise in public: whistles, catcalls, shouts of "give me your number"/"call me" or a variant thereupon, comments on their person, leering, following, things of that nature. Now, before you jump on me that these are extreme situations, sit down. No, they most certainly are not. I cannot think of a woman I have talked to who has not had this happen to her. And it makes the majority of us incredibly uncomfortable. Yes, there is the occasional lady who says she doesn't care, but let's again err on the side of caution.
Bottom line, it's rude. Everyone, regardless of their bits and pieces, has the right to walk about in public without being shouted at like their body is public property. The way my mom taught me, you should not stare or make personal comments on someone.
First: staring/leering. Okay, I get it that humans are very visually-oriented. I've read the biology books, y'all. We have binocular vision and walk upright because our eyes are our main sensory input - that's how we get information about the world around us. In my book, though, there is a great big difference in the very human trait of observation and leering or staring. It is entirely human, natural, and normal, to look at the people around us. Our brains send us input like "Cool T-shirt!" and "Person with pack of children" and "Lady with a walker" and things like that. It's how we distinguish where we are and, on some level, whether anyone in the vicinity is a threat to us.
Staring/leering, on the other hand, is just rude. I do understand that we all do it sometimes, I really do. The best thing to do in that case is catch yourself and apologize if you are caught. Please, though, try to check yourself in your actions so that you don't make people uncomfortable. And it doesn't matter if it's a woman wearing a shorter skirt than usual or a person in a wheelchair. Staring is just plain rude, and it makes people very uncomfortable. Exercise some consideration for the people, regardless of gender, race, ability, whatever qualifier you have, and check your behavior.
Second: comments. I am not for a minute telling you to keep your head down and your mouth shut, never looking at or talking to anyone. No, seriously, I've had a dude go off on me about that once he learned I was a feminist. Chill your buns, everybody. That's not what I'm saying, so listen: it is a very nice thing to do to give people compliments as long as you're sincere. I can't think of anyone who doesn't like to hear "Your T-shirt makes my day" or "Cool shoes". To my mind, those are not personal comments. That is to say, you should not comment on the body of someone you do not know well.
Seriously, don't do it. Again, it's just a matter of not making people uncomfortable. People have all kinds of things that they're just kind of quirky about regarding their bodies. No, the answer is not "grow a thicker skin" or "toughen up and ignore it." Everyone has the right to go about and mind their own darn business without someone calling them out in public about their body. That means even if you think you are being complimentary, refrain from comments like "Nice legs". And for heaven's sakes, do not comment on a lady's chest or behind if you do not know her very well! If you see an attractive person and you want to give them a compliment, find something else. I'm sure there's a million other things that you can say that do not run into harassing/discomfort territory.
Oh, and this is a little prologue to a subject I WILL touch on later: don't ever ask a girl you do not know why she's not smiling. Short answer to why: it implies that women must always signal availability, and that's annoying. Seriously, it gets really old to be expected to be bubbly and chipper all the damn time. If we want to sit in a corner with Cloud and Vincent and have a "brood all day" party, we're fucking welcome to do so. Sometimes we really do just want to be left alone. And if she's reading... Let me quote Captain America: "Son, just don't." No, really. "Reading" does not mean "doing nothing and therefore open to attention." I'll come back to this. Note: if any person looks as though they are distressed, it is a totally human thing to do to ask "Are you okay?"
Well, I hope I cleared up a few things for y'all! I'm not trying to lay down the law here: I'm just telling you how my mom raised me and good ways not to cause discomfort in others. People keep complaining that consideration for others is going out of the window. In my eyes, there's an easy way to start fixing that: show consideration for others in what YOU do. It doesn't take terribly long and it isn't painful. This is the American South, so the default interaction is "smile and wave" - I don't know how it is where you are, but a smile with no words at all is a good way to make someone's day. So if you aren't sure if what you're trying to say will come out right or cause discomfort, just smile! We all smile in the same language, as far as I'm aware. (Humans anyway - don't smile at monkeys or apes in the zoo because to them "showing teeth" is "aggression or fear." So don't do that.) Just take a second or two, and if there's doubt, probably don't say it.
And if the Ryan Gosling look-alike I shouted at in Jacksonville is reading this, by any chance, I'm sorry I scared you!
Marigold, sitting up in bed on a rainy Thursday, smiling and bidding you all a lovelier day than this!
I don't mean whistling while you work, or whistling a happy tune and making believe you're brave, but I will give bonus points to anyone who caught that second reference. I mean an oft-parodied form of street harassment. Who here grew up watching Looney Tunes? Who remembers Tex Avery's classic zoot-suited Hollywood Wolf? Heaven only knows I did, and I do! Remember how a gal (or Elmer Fudd in a dress) would get whistled at and the whistler's head turned into a wolf's head? This, friends - in case you didn't know/infer from context clues - is called a wolf whistle.
You may call me a "bad" feminist or whatever (refer to my saying on "You can't be a feminist and..."), but I personally don't mind them. I have occasionally been whistled at in public, but to be perfectly honest, I find it a little cute and mostly funny. Maybe I did watch too much television as a child, but hey, even Mickey Mouse has whistled at Minnie before. I hate street harassment. I don't think it's cute or funny in any way. However, apparently childhood cartoons mostly produced before 1950 knocked the bone out of my head that qualified whistling as harassment. It's also endearing with people you know well who "get the joke" - i.e. they are Looney Tunes/early Mickey fans too.
Of course, not every woman is going to feel the same as me and there are certainly women who would think whistling is just as offensive as any other form of harassment. I definitely would not recommend actually whistling at a stranger in public. What is printed above refers to my own feelings and mine alone. Read: Don't try this at home. We all knew I would get to a "don't try this at home" moment eventually, so let's have a slow clap or something...
On the subject of street harassment, I say again: no, it's not cute or funny. A lot of people say there's fuzzy lines or gray area or wiggle room here. This is just me, but I would prefer to err on the side of caution. In the interest of full disclosure, I am not perfect. I am guilty of rolling down my car window to yell "YOU'RE HOT!" at a male jogger. In my absolutely non-water-holding defense, he looked like Ryan Gosling - that's still not an excuse, I repeat. Backtracking a bit, though, just... refrain from doing things like that.
What is street harassment? In general, it's "hollering" at women on the street or otherwise in public: whistles, catcalls, shouts of "give me your number"/"call me" or a variant thereupon, comments on their person, leering, following, things of that nature. Now, before you jump on me that these are extreme situations, sit down. No, they most certainly are not. I cannot think of a woman I have talked to who has not had this happen to her. And it makes the majority of us incredibly uncomfortable. Yes, there is the occasional lady who says she doesn't care, but let's again err on the side of caution.
Bottom line, it's rude. Everyone, regardless of their bits and pieces, has the right to walk about in public without being shouted at like their body is public property. The way my mom taught me, you should not stare or make personal comments on someone.
First: staring/leering. Okay, I get it that humans are very visually-oriented. I've read the biology books, y'all. We have binocular vision and walk upright because our eyes are our main sensory input - that's how we get information about the world around us. In my book, though, there is a great big difference in the very human trait of observation and leering or staring. It is entirely human, natural, and normal, to look at the people around us. Our brains send us input like "Cool T-shirt!" and "Person with pack of children" and "Lady with a walker" and things like that. It's how we distinguish where we are and, on some level, whether anyone in the vicinity is a threat to us.
Staring/leering, on the other hand, is just rude. I do understand that we all do it sometimes, I really do. The best thing to do in that case is catch yourself and apologize if you are caught. Please, though, try to check yourself in your actions so that you don't make people uncomfortable. And it doesn't matter if it's a woman wearing a shorter skirt than usual or a person in a wheelchair. Staring is just plain rude, and it makes people very uncomfortable. Exercise some consideration for the people, regardless of gender, race, ability, whatever qualifier you have, and check your behavior.
Second: comments. I am not for a minute telling you to keep your head down and your mouth shut, never looking at or talking to anyone. No, seriously, I've had a dude go off on me about that once he learned I was a feminist. Chill your buns, everybody. That's not what I'm saying, so listen: it is a very nice thing to do to give people compliments as long as you're sincere. I can't think of anyone who doesn't like to hear "Your T-shirt makes my day" or "Cool shoes". To my mind, those are not personal comments. That is to say, you should not comment on the body of someone you do not know well.
Seriously, don't do it. Again, it's just a matter of not making people uncomfortable. People have all kinds of things that they're just kind of quirky about regarding their bodies. No, the answer is not "grow a thicker skin" or "toughen up and ignore it." Everyone has the right to go about and mind their own darn business without someone calling them out in public about their body. That means even if you think you are being complimentary, refrain from comments like "Nice legs". And for heaven's sakes, do not comment on a lady's chest or behind if you do not know her very well! If you see an attractive person and you want to give them a compliment, find something else. I'm sure there's a million other things that you can say that do not run into harassing/discomfort territory.
- "Cool shirt! I love that show/band/quote/critter/whatever."
- "How did you get your hair to do that?"
- "Your *insert item of clothing/accessory* is my favorite color."
- "Pardon me, where did you get that *insert item here*? It's really cool!"
Oh, and this is a little prologue to a subject I WILL touch on later: don't ever ask a girl you do not know why she's not smiling. Short answer to why: it implies that women must always signal availability, and that's annoying. Seriously, it gets really old to be expected to be bubbly and chipper all the damn time. If we want to sit in a corner with Cloud and Vincent and have a "brood all day" party, we're fucking welcome to do so. Sometimes we really do just want to be left alone. And if she's reading... Let me quote Captain America: "Son, just don't." No, really. "Reading" does not mean "doing nothing and therefore open to attention." I'll come back to this. Note: if any person looks as though they are distressed, it is a totally human thing to do to ask "Are you okay?"
Well, I hope I cleared up a few things for y'all! I'm not trying to lay down the law here: I'm just telling you how my mom raised me and good ways not to cause discomfort in others. People keep complaining that consideration for others is going out of the window. In my eyes, there's an easy way to start fixing that: show consideration for others in what YOU do. It doesn't take terribly long and it isn't painful. This is the American South, so the default interaction is "smile and wave" - I don't know how it is where you are, but a smile with no words at all is a good way to make someone's day. So if you aren't sure if what you're trying to say will come out right or cause discomfort, just smile! We all smile in the same language, as far as I'm aware. (Humans anyway - don't smile at monkeys or apes in the zoo because to them "showing teeth" is "aggression or fear." So don't do that.) Just take a second or two, and if there's doubt, probably don't say it.
And if the Ryan Gosling look-alike I shouted at in Jacksonville is reading this, by any chance, I'm sorry I scared you!
Marigold, sitting up in bed on a rainy Thursday, smiling and bidding you all a lovelier day than this!
Men have horrible body language, which is probably why they rely heavily on spontaneous direct communication to get attention. That doesn't make it always okay just as you said, because a lot of guys just take it too far and are more creepy/annoying than friendly. It's easy to judge someone's character based on their method and appropriateness of communication, and while I normally give people the benefit of a doubt, some people don't deserve a second chance, if you know what I mean.
ReplyDeleteOn the subject of smiling, I smile an abnormal amount probably due to habit from my job, but I hate when I give the effort of being nice to be looked at oddly or ignored. At least with me it works like this: I am nice and polite at first; does the person accept my optimism and convey it back? If they do then it's all smiles and great communication, if they don't then I lower my standard to their level, which sadly can be abysmally low.
Also why did a guy go off on you because he 'learned' that you were feminist? Did he think you were anti-man or something? Ugh.
-- Since you are guilty of being a member of the spontaneous-sexual-callout club, I'll leverage that into another request for later I suppose.
-Addison
Props for taking a historical perspective on whistling and taking cues from classic cartoons. I grew up on Looney Tunes and Tex Avery cartoons myself, although I'm surprised no reference to Tom and Jerry made it through, specifically between Tom and his love interest Toodles Galore. =P
ReplyDeleteGreat blog!