Good (rainy) Tuesday afternoon, my lovely readers! I don't know where you are in the world, but where I am, it's wet and cold and I am more than ready for spring to be sprung. This isn't a weather blog, obviously - are there any of those, by the way? - but I figured it bore mentioning . Today, I have a subject that is inherently, particularly a feminist nerd issue. No matter your gender, you can probably say you have heard this term: "Fake geek girl." You can substitute "nerd" or "gamer" or whatever your fandom term is in there and it still applies.
You see the title? To my mind, that is the only way to produce a "fake" geek girl - literally, a non-living representation of a female human being in a fandom. This is just me, personally, but I find the mental image to be somewhat funny. Brand-new niche market, right here! Sort of like Chobits, but... You know what, I'm crashing that train of thought right there.
Seriously, though... Stop it. I do get that there are different levels of nerdism, fandom, and geekery. That's where it needs to stay, though: difference of levels. You and your particular level of nerdism are no better than anyone else and theirs. It's one of my pet peeves, the people convinced of the "one twue way!" And I misspelled that on purpose - the way they carry on, they end up sounding like cartoonish, spoiled children. The way I see it, there is no right or wrong way to be a fan of something, as long as you're not doing anybody any harm. (Another article may not be long in coming on the difference between "hurt" and "harm"... but that's another show!)
Why does the nerd-ish community target girls and women for this sort of backlash? PLEASE tell me it's not some sort of deep-seated childhood-stemming problem that sings the tune of "Girls are icky!" Oh, oh! Right! I know the answer! Of course! It's "They're just doing it for attention!" - the same way that anyone who visibly expresses their fandom is "just doing it for attention." Like how everyone who ever turned up for a Harry Potter premiere in costume was "just doing it for attention." No? That's not the answer? Oh! I get it! It must be "They just want to get laid and can't get real guys!" Riiiiiiight... I'm not even touching that. Because no guy has ever gone to a con for the specific purpose of getting laid! Hmm... Let's see, what other vitriolic, woman-hating garbage have I heard on the subject of geek girls...
Forgive me. I could go on and on sarcastically on this all day. One paragraph is probably sufficient, since I don't usually hold with just pissing and moaning. I try not to do that without offering some reasonable solutions that I see to the problem itself. Well, here's one: before you say anything that starts with "You're not a real nerd/fan/geek/whatever if...", stop. Nothing constructive is going to come after a remark like that. Do not push your own opinions as true and proven fact. Nerdism and fandom and geekery are so subjective that they're like love. No, they are love - their own kind of love. If there's anything I know about love, it's that love (therefore nerdism/fandom/geekery) is different for every person. I hope I'm right in assuming you wouldn't tell someone "You can't love a person and..." because you don't know them or their situation or how they feel. That wouldn't be right, would it?
Okay, small note: yeah, there probably are people who go to cons and whatever because they lack personal or sexual gratification in other areas. You know what, though? That is entirely their business. Male or female, it is totally their choice. If they're going to pay their money to be at a con or play a game or do whatever it is they're doing, then they have the right to be there, same as you. Certainly, you are not required to interact with them on a more than polite level - just please, remember your manners. That's all anybody is really asking, I think, to be acknowledged and treated as a human being who has the same right to be there. If they're being openly jerkish about it, don't respond by throwing your own temper tantrum. It just doesn't help.
I've said it so much, but I'm going to say it again. Cons in particular are supposed to be a safe space. You can't complain about there being no women in the convention scene if you know for a fact the scene is treating women like crap. Make a change, because it has to start with you. If you hear someone going on about "fake geek girl", unless they're talking about an artificial person made in China or Japan or something, get on their case about it! Everybody loses when we alienate our own with vitriol and just petty meanness. If you're playing an online game and misogyny starts up ("There are no women on the internet"/"Tits or GTFO"/shit like that), say something. Flag the offender. Make it known that they are part of the problem. This is one of those situations where you truly cannot have it both ways. You're not going to have nerd girls at all to befriend and have in your lives if you're aware of the problem and either contribute to it or passively let it go on. Don't let the assholes win. I would dearly like to think that we as nerds are better than that.
Nerds have always had it hard enough. We're not mainstream (do not give me the bullshit about "Nerds are cool now!" because it's crock) and we've all had problems fitting in. Those of us who find the bravery to be openly nerdy/geeky/fanboys and fangirls often have a really hard time. We still have trouble making friends in school and work. Some of us face backlash from our families. We're looked down on a lot of the time, still. With all that crap going on, we really should take a step back and think "Do we really want to do that to our own people?"
Marigold/Hyper-chan, hoping the answer is "no" and wishing everyone a good evening!
You see the title? To my mind, that is the only way to produce a "fake" geek girl - literally, a non-living representation of a female human being in a fandom. This is just me, personally, but I find the mental image to be somewhat funny. Brand-new niche market, right here! Sort of like Chobits, but... You know what, I'm crashing that train of thought right there.
Seriously, though... Stop it. I do get that there are different levels of nerdism, fandom, and geekery. That's where it needs to stay, though: difference of levels. You and your particular level of nerdism are no better than anyone else and theirs. It's one of my pet peeves, the people convinced of the "one twue way!" And I misspelled that on purpose - the way they carry on, they end up sounding like cartoonish, spoiled children. The way I see it, there is no right or wrong way to be a fan of something, as long as you're not doing anybody any harm. (Another article may not be long in coming on the difference between "hurt" and "harm"... but that's another show!)
Why does the nerd-ish community target girls and women for this sort of backlash? PLEASE tell me it's not some sort of deep-seated childhood-stemming problem that sings the tune of "Girls are icky!" Oh, oh! Right! I know the answer! Of course! It's "They're just doing it for attention!" - the same way that anyone who visibly expresses their fandom is "just doing it for attention." Like how everyone who ever turned up for a Harry Potter premiere in costume was "just doing it for attention." No? That's not the answer? Oh! I get it! It must be "They just want to get laid and can't get real guys!" Riiiiiiight... I'm not even touching that. Because no guy has ever gone to a con for the specific purpose of getting laid! Hmm... Let's see, what other vitriolic, woman-hating garbage have I heard on the subject of geek girls...
Forgive me. I could go on and on sarcastically on this all day. One paragraph is probably sufficient, since I don't usually hold with just pissing and moaning. I try not to do that without offering some reasonable solutions that I see to the problem itself. Well, here's one: before you say anything that starts with "You're not a real nerd/fan/geek/whatever if...", stop. Nothing constructive is going to come after a remark like that. Do not push your own opinions as true and proven fact. Nerdism and fandom and geekery are so subjective that they're like love. No, they are love - their own kind of love. If there's anything I know about love, it's that love (therefore nerdism/fandom/geekery) is different for every person. I hope I'm right in assuming you wouldn't tell someone "You can't love a person and..." because you don't know them or their situation or how they feel. That wouldn't be right, would it?
Okay, small note: yeah, there probably are people who go to cons and whatever because they lack personal or sexual gratification in other areas. You know what, though? That is entirely their business. Male or female, it is totally their choice. If they're going to pay their money to be at a con or play a game or do whatever it is they're doing, then they have the right to be there, same as you. Certainly, you are not required to interact with them on a more than polite level - just please, remember your manners. That's all anybody is really asking, I think, to be acknowledged and treated as a human being who has the same right to be there. If they're being openly jerkish about it, don't respond by throwing your own temper tantrum. It just doesn't help.
I've said it so much, but I'm going to say it again. Cons in particular are supposed to be a safe space. You can't complain about there being no women in the convention scene if you know for a fact the scene is treating women like crap. Make a change, because it has to start with you. If you hear someone going on about "fake geek girl", unless they're talking about an artificial person made in China or Japan or something, get on their case about it! Everybody loses when we alienate our own with vitriol and just petty meanness. If you're playing an online game and misogyny starts up ("There are no women on the internet"/"Tits or GTFO"/shit like that), say something. Flag the offender. Make it known that they are part of the problem. This is one of those situations where you truly cannot have it both ways. You're not going to have nerd girls at all to befriend and have in your lives if you're aware of the problem and either contribute to it or passively let it go on. Don't let the assholes win. I would dearly like to think that we as nerds are better than that.
Nerds have always had it hard enough. We're not mainstream (do not give me the bullshit about "Nerds are cool now!" because it's crock) and we've all had problems fitting in. Those of us who find the bravery to be openly nerdy/geeky/fanboys and fangirls often have a really hard time. We still have trouble making friends in school and work. Some of us face backlash from our families. We're looked down on a lot of the time, still. With all that crap going on, we really should take a step back and think "Do we really want to do that to our own people?"
Marigold/Hyper-chan, hoping the answer is "no" and wishing everyone a good evening!
I never understood where the offence comes from; why someone would get mad at another for not meeting some form of standard. If people feel that their culture is being misrepresented, then tough luck. It's no excuse for acting like a child and insulting people. People can be act so entitled sometimes, it's disturbing. =\
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