In Honor of International Women's Day

This post is gonna be personal too. It's a tribute, in honor of today as International Women's Day, to all the badass women in my life, and spotlights on some of them in particular. There are not enough words in any language ever for a comprehensive view of each lady, so everybody gets a long paragraph - just to be fair. Without further ado, here we go - in no particular order:

• Katie

Holy cow. I don't even know where to start with Katie. Something "up there" - whatever deity/deities/higher power/The Force - really knew what they were doing in September of 1992. Both of us remember to this day when I walked up to her and went "Hi, I'm **** - wanna be friends?" [Not printing my real name in this blog - some of you know me, some of you don't - for personal safety.] That was a serious life-changing moment for at least two whole families. The ladies in her family (her mom, Aunt Karen, and Granny in particular) are all so freaking wonderful. Both of us gained a second family that day and I would not trade Katie for anything, ever. We've been through so much - some of it together, some on our own journeys - but we are always sisters. She is so effing strong I don't even know how to put it in words. She upholds HER standards and she's not "noodging" for anything or anybody and it makes me so proud to know her.

• My mom

Twenty-five years minus six days is a long time to love somebody. My mom has been there to do that every day for 9234 days (as of this post) and yes I just calculated that. She's hugged and kissed and cooked and nagged and yelled and fussed and driven me all over creation and back. She's listened to me be perfectly horrible and then still given me a hug the next day when I needed one. I can honestly say my mom has done everything for me while teaching me to do for myself. That's the best way I know how to put it. Heaven knows we've disagreed many, many, many times over the years, but I know I will always have a place to come home to whenever my mom is there. She's gone to bat for me, tried her best to do what's best for me, and now she's being strong enough to let me be grown. She has been through a life I don't even begin to know everything about, but I know it's been hard, and I have no words to describe how much I love and respect her. She made her mistakes, and she owns up to them - I think she blames herself too much, because she's been exactly the right MOM for me.

This brings me to...

• My mother

My mother and I met for the first time in 2010. My mom and dad had never kept it a secret from me that I am adopted (I've got a whole 'nother spiel on that) and I am perfectly fine with that. Yes, I had been curious, but I've known for a long time that biological parents and adoptive parents are ALL your "real" parents. Meeting my mother and hearing her stories and the stories of my Nana and Mamaw (my great-grandmother!) and my aunts and cousins has neither upended my world nor "told me who I really am." It's not like in the movies - it's just added another wonderful layer to the life I already have and love. Having another family to get to know has been a little overwhelming at times, but in a way, it's not all that new. I've always had love for the mother who did what she felt was best for me - it is honestly the bravest thing I have ever heard of anybody doing. Plus! Now I know exactly how I come by so much of myself: physically AND in personality!

These are the top three badass women in my life, but I'd like to give shout-outs to a few more. Some of them are still here on Earth and some of them are up in heaven. It doesn't change for a second how much I love them:

• My Grandma - my dad's mother. She had this gift for gifts, and I still treasure a great many of the things she gave me as links to her. I will never forget her fashion advice or the Little Mermaid-decorated room just for me at her house.  I don't know most of her story, because I was so young for most of the time I knew her, but I remember her as a pretty kick-ass Grandma! I will always associate the Tresor Lancome scent with her. She passed away when I was fifteen, leaving one more gift... Mostly for my dad, but Beau the Flat-Coated Retriever was my special buddy as well. I love you, Grandma, and thank you for everything!

• Meme (pronounced like Mimi) - my mom's mother. She let me totally ransack her living room every chance I got, encouraging the building of couch forts and watching of cartoons, while teaching in her own quiet way. She loved to read to me and I think she may have been prouder than my mom when I started reading out loud. I don't think she would have been able not to teach, having spent 40 years teaching English in the Atlanta public school system. I can never thank her enough for teaching me to speak properly, particularly the difference in "nauseous" and "nauseated." I still have her red ceramic rooster named Joe - he is my favorite reminder of her. I was only in the third grade when she passed away, but I will always remember her. I love you, Meme - you're part of the inspiration for me to become a speech therapist!

 

• Gigi - my mom's aunt. All of my memories involving Gigi involve laughing. She would tell me stories about my cousins when they were little and growing up out in the country in Jefferson, Georgia. Some of the people she told me about, I didn't remember that well because I saw them so infrequently (weddings and funerals), but I loved the stories nonetheless.She let me play with her lipstick and perfume, had the greatest taste in accessories ever! I still wear the silk scarves she gave me, whether it's everyday or to conventions or RenFaires! When she died after making the courageous decision to end the dialysis, I was in the sixth grade. I didn't really understand what was going on, even at 12, but I do know her funeral was the first funeral I really cried at, and I had already been to plenty by then. I will never forget what her laugh sounded like, though, and the song "You Are My Sunshine" reminds me of her most of all. Gigi, I love you so much and I hope you would be proud of your littlest grandniece!

• Aunt Judy - my dad's sister. She had three boys, so I've been told she felt a special kind of joy when she found out she had a niece. I was her only niece, and now it makes me sad that she's not here to see her future grandchild - her son and his wife are expecting their very first! In that joy, she picked out, for my first Christmas, and gave to me the one most precious gift I have ever received in life: my bear. I still have him and, yes, I still sleep with him. She and I were never as close as either of us wished we could be, and now I really regret that. Bath and Body Works and fuzzy socks will always remind me of her, because that was what she always knew I would love on birthdays and Christmas. She was particularly badass in raising my cousin, who has very special needs - I believe it was she who coined the term "handi-capable." I can't hear the song "Wind Beneath My Wings" without thinking of her. She was as brave and strong as anyone could possibly be while battling colon cancer. Aunt Judy - JC and I both still love you, and we miss you so much!

 

• Aunt Katy - my mom's sister. She's the only one of my aunts who's never had kids, but that has always been totally okay with me! Being the baby of the grandkids, I usually got Aunt Katy all to myself. She's been the greatest with advice and little tips and tricks to get through the hiccups in life, like tying your bra straps with dental floss so they don't show in a tank top. She let me get away with a little more than Mom did, and I think I learned all my "bad words" from her. She has always been one of the most cheerful people I think I've ever met. Even beating breast cancer, losing her hair, going through chemo, and getting healthy again, she has always been so BRIGHT! Take that, cancer! Conlee women are WAY too strong for you! 

 

• Aunt Karen - Katie's aunt. Two Scorpios in one place can only lead to trouble! She is a canon lawyer for the Catholic church. She speaks German. She dances ballet. She's raised two boys who have grown up (RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES!) into wonderful young men. A devout Irish Catholic, yet not dull at all! Aunt Karen has always been a hoot - she is a strong woman and she will TELL you what's what! 

 

• Ms. Holly - Katie's mom. I knew I was adopted by the time I met Katie. So I knew I had a mother and a mom, and I was totally cool with that. I had no idea when I walked up and made friends with Katie I was getting a second mom in the bargain! Loud, opinionated, funny as hell, Ms. Holly did NOT take crap from ANYBODY. If she thought something was wrong, she got up and fixed it. And heaven help you if you tried to get between Katie and me for any reason... Her personality and mine were so similar that it was almost scary. We (me, Katie, Ms. Holly, and my mom) always said that if we were switched, Katie and my mom would be fine, but Ms. Holly and I would kill each other! I will never forget, ever, that night when the four of us were sitting around my kitchen table, laughing until we cried and banging on the table while we talked about throwing cheese out the window! [Side note: Go figure...] She passed away when Katie and I were sixteen and I miss her every day - Katie gets more and more like her every day. Ms. Holly, I always wish I had told you that you were my second mom...

 

• Nana - my mother's mother. It is so wild to have living grandparents again! Getting to know my grandmother now that I am a grown woman is very different from being around Meme and Grandma. I can't imagine how it was for her to know that she had a granddaughter and not being able to watch that baby grow up and change like Meme and Grandma could do. She got that experience with my two brothers, but I can't help but wonder how much she wondered. Nana has great skill with anything involving yarn - I wear the scarves she sent me this Christmas all the time and the purple crocheted blanket she gave me when we first met is one of the most special things I own! There was nothing like watching Chipper Jones hit one of his last career home runs with the family I always knew was out there, but had never met. Thank you, Nana, for simply everything!

These are certainly not ALL the badass, wonderful, wild, awesome women in my life, but I have to cut this off now. I have a chorus performance tonight and I've been crying since I started typing about Katie almost an hour ago. My choral director is going to have my butt if I turn up all red-eyed and sniffly - snot's bad for your vocal chords, you know... Just, every one of the ladies in my life, please know that I have so much love for you! You're all so freaking amazing and I wish I could hug every one of you right this minute!

All my readers, sound off in the comments! I want to hear about the badass women in YOUR lives!

Marigold, still sniffling, wishing you all wonderful women in your lives!

My Favorite Disney Princess

First of all, I would like to say so many thank-yous for the overwhelming response to my last entry. I love you all so much - you are completely amazing! Like I promised, this blog is not up so I can tell my sob story to the world. I wish only to use the bad things that have happened in my life as a way to teach other people that these things don't just happen to people far away. This, however, is not the subject of today's blog post.

A recent conversation... Well, okay, a topic that I can go on and on about with little to no prompting at any time brought the subject of this post to mind. Yes, I was recently having a conversation with a friend that involved Disney. If you happen to know me (and if you don't, you will soon!) then you know it doesn't take much to get me started on Disney. So, yeah, that conversation happened and now, here I am, stuck in the Wonderful World of Disney in my brain.

Just recently, also, I saw this picture on Tumblr:

Before you gripe at me that Mulan isn't a princess and where the heck is Kidagakash from Atlantis or Eilonwy from The Black Cauldon and BTW Giselle fought a damn DRAGON while still not marrying the prince in the end (I think this may have been made pre-Brave), I have a princess of my own missing! My very favorite Disney princess of all time: Nala. As per the picture above, she play-fought her prince as a little one, kicked his furry butt up and down the jungle to see that he'd act right, THEN fought hyenas and their usurping uncle! Of course, she's a lion, so that's kind of par for the course, I guess.

 

See that? That is a badass princess! Look at her TEETH! I'm reasonably sure that only Pocahontas and Kidagakash (and Merida) would be able to go up against a princess like that without wetting themselves, and I only give Kida a fair chance at coming out on top hand-to... paw. Seriously - THIS is my favorite princess, and I really can't say that enough. 

People like to complain that Disney upholds very gendered stereotypes. In response, I give them Nala. Actually, I'd say The Lion King in general was very good about being non-gendered. It is a universal coming-of-age story that appeals equally to both boys and girls. At least, it certainly did in my class when I was in the first grade. Heavens, all we ever DID - boys AND girls - was play Lion King. Yes, they did market different products to boys and girls (I was always mad about the lack of Lion King sundresses), but a girl didn't get called a tomboy for liking Lion King. On the flip side, ALL the boys that I remember loved it, even with one of the top love scenes in Disney history.

Look at that picture of those princesses again, and think of Walt himself. Think of his vision of progress. When you look at Snow White, then follow the princesses on up the line, right up to Rapunzel and Merida, and you are looking at PROGRESS. Do we have a long way to go? I would say yes. Have we come, pardon my French, hella far? I think we have. For my part, I'm looking forward to Frost, coming out either this year or next (can't remember). Just remember what it says on the Carousel of Progress: "It's a great big beautiful tomorrow/ Shining at the end of ev'ry day/ It's a great big beautiful tomorrow/ And tomorrow's just a dream away!"

Marigold, singing that godawful song over and over, over and out!

Very Personal Post

Okay, I must give trigger warnings in this post for emotional abuse and mental illness. If there's any triggers I should have warned about and haven't, I apologize - it's been a weird day.

Last week was Domestic Violence Awareness Week at my university. I walked into the school gym for my aerobics class on Monday and managed not to notice - that's Monday for you. However, I started seeing T-shirts hanging up all over campus. For two days, I didn't realize what they were. However, I was a bit more clear-headed on Wednesday morning. (Just for the record, before 8 AM is no time to be clear-headed...) I started READING the messages on the T-shirts and, looking around, I saw a piece of laminated paper with a key on it, explaining the colors. For a full description, please visit "The Clothesline Project." I actually wound up late to my class because I had to step into the bathroom and cry for a good minute.

Long story short, the T-shirts are a way for victims of various types of abuse to tell their stories without fear of any sort of repercussions. When I got to my class, I asked a girl sitting next to me, hypothetically speaking, if she thought the shirts might be upsetting or triggering to anyone. She answered that she honestly figured nobody cared. Not sure if she could hear me, but I said "I sure as hell do." Obviously, I had to kind of sit on that thought (figuratively) and get on with the workout. It came back and smacked me in the face when I left the class though.

I looked around from pink to blue to yellow to white to grey and everything in between... There was a young lady at a table not far away. She had pamphlets on domestic violence awareness and things like that, but most prominent were the stacks of T-shirts and containers of paint markers. I had a proverbial light bulb moment and I had to go over there. I selected a yellow T-shirt, the color for survivors of domestic abuse. On it, in green, black, and red markers, I wrote a simple statement. It was addressed to my abuser: "You never hit me. I honestly wish you had. Then you would be IN JAIL where you belong."

This is not a blog for personal venting, I promise, and there is a point to this story: every T-shirt on that line is one too many. Keep in mind, these particular ones - HUNDREDS - hang up on a college campus. This is a bullshit number I'm pulling out of thin air, but let's say in theory that the women of my university mostly range in age from about 18-25 years old. What. The. Actual. Fuck. Why the hell are hundreds of women at this one university all reporting abuse before they even live a quarter of a century? That's a really hard question, isn't it?

There's a lot of answers, and a lot of them are pretty freaking incendiary - bound to cause a lot of friction and even make people outright angry. Like the FACT that our culture PROTECTS AND ENABLES RAPE, VIOLENCE, AND ABUSE. Sorry, not sorry, there is no getting around that. The system is set for silence, and I am NOT cool with that. I am NOT okay with the fact that there is nothing I can do to my abuser because he never hit me. It is NOT right that:

• Women's clothes, sexual histories, and states of intoxication remain the focus of rape trials
• Men are told every day, by the lies people tell women, that they are potential rapists
• LGBTQ/Poly people have trouble finding support systems for their issues with violence/abuse
• Legislation to protect people from abuse is either not properly enforced or used to further shame and blame the victim
• Assistance of legal and medical varieties are withheld from certain people just because somebody doesn't like their choices.
• The majority of violence is committed by someone the victim already knows, usually an intimate partner

Every time I see another article about violence, I get sick to my stomach. I think of those T-shirts and I look around at the people I go to school with. I wonder who wrote what on which shirt. Look around you, every single person reading this blog. Wonder that too. Take a glance around at the people you know, and wonder how many of them have been the victims of violence. It can be ANYONE. You can be in a demographic that is LESS likely to be victimized, but the plain, cold, hard, ugly truth is that any human being can be the victim of abuse. And these T-shirts I describe, most of them are only representative of physical violence. Not spoken of are mental, emotional, and psychological abuse, which are very, painfully real.

I had always considered myself a strong and independent woman, yet here I am to this day, blaming myself for allowing myself to be abused. Maybe I'm not qualified to advocate for other women if I was weak enough to let someone do that to me? Maybe I can't help anyone because I'm not fully recovered myself? I would never, ever dream of blaming another person for getting victimized, but I had never thought for a second that I would allow it to happen to me. It makes me wonder how many of my friends and family lost respect for me. How many people reduced me to this pitiable wreck of a person? Have I been reduced to the label of "victim"? Even if I make it to "survivor" (and who gets to make that decision?) will I ever be seen as strong again? What if it happens again? Will it be my fault then?

Every day, I wonder if he won.

So, there you have it. I added my T-shirt to the clothesline. There were so many, just at this one university - relatively small at about 22,000 students. The people making T-shirts are not just our sisters, brothers, friends and family, or even strangers. They are US. Every human being could be the writer of a message on a T-shirt. Please, everyone who reads this - I am seriously begging you: get outraged. Make it your personal goal to see that NO ONE EVER NEEDS TO MAKE A SHIRT AGAIN. It's a big goal, I know, but I do not - I cannot believe it is impossible. Even without my abuser ever laying a hand on me, I would not wish the treatment I received on my worst enemy. I certainly cannot sit idly on my rump and be quiet about these T-shirts.

There are simply too many to ignore.

Marigold, wishing for love to overcome violence, sending you all love!

Fresh New Post of Awesomeness!

Good morning, everyone, on this bright and lovely Thursday morning! Can I just say I feel all kinds of amazing this morning? Well, I do. I woke up naturally just about at nine AM to a gorgeous ray of sunshine peeking in where my dog nudged the blinds over. Seriously, that's some Disney princess stuff going on there, and I live for moments like that!

First off, did you see what I did there? Like, right up there? Before you answer that, I'd like you to give a think about all the words you normally hear to describe feminists. Just a sample of the ones I've heard are "angry", "dramatic", and "negative." Basically, it's like people think feminists are just horrible little hags who look for things to be upset about and can't stand it if anyone's smiling. Guess what! Your bullshit alarm should be going off right about now. Okay, now did you see what I did up there? I'd draw an arrow up to the first paragraph in a neat little animation, but I don't know how to do that, so please just imagine a red arrow pointing from the word 'there' to the first paragraph...

Process my case of the morning crazies how you will, but the bottom line is that there is GOOD STUFF in life. No, I'm not going to blow any smoke up your skirts (or trousers or kilts or what have you) - there is a lot that we need to get on getting fixed. And yeah, I guess you could choose to go about being angry and negative about it. The way I see it, though, that sets us all back. If you approach something just being upset, you're less likely to sit back and organize. I'm not saying all the good stuff outweighs the bad, because I'm sensing a serious lack of balance in our world. It's not bad enough, though, that all we can do is wail and lament and gnash our teeth.

Just for kicks, here's a list of totally awesome stuff to think about today. It might be directly related to feminism, and it might not. Really, it's just things that are fun to think on because they'll make us happy. And, seriously, if you're here to put a negative spin on everything, please refrain from commenting on this part of the article. This stuff makes ME happy, so I'm trying to get you to think about things that make YOU happy.

• The strides that we HAVE made: votes for women, moves toward workplace equality, women moving into the public eye and refusing to get out of it.
• The good things that people do when it seems like everybody sucks, on any scale you can think of - whether it's helping ducklings cross the street, giving your seat to somebody who looks like they've had a hard day, or establishing privately-funded programs to make sure that girls are not shipped from core countries to be forced brides in semi-periphery or periphery countries.
• The confused look on your mom's face when she realizes the folks in Hot Topic are the nicest people in the mall. (Happened to me when I was 13!)
• That moment when you're short and a guy dressed as a pretty-close-to-movie-quality Darth Vader hands you the sword you can't reach.
• The existence of creatures that just look like they were put here to make us laugh: aardvarks, armadillos, aye-ayes (this is not an animal alliteration association, I promise) and the king of funny-looking critters - the platypus!
• Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...

Okay! That's enough of that! Nobody wants to hear me sing showtunes before 10 in the morning! If you do, I might just make a video if I get enough comments! Yeah, I just became that blogger. Heh, it might be funny... Here's another thought: how about y'all tell me in the comments all kinds of things that make YOU happy!?

Moving on... I just wanted my new post after not having internet for two days to be about things that there are to feel good about in life. This wasn't meant to be cliche or a collection of platitudes - I really want y'all to think about stuff that makes you happy. Yes, there is always something to be angry about, and I'm not telling you to ignore it or anything. Just maybe, if we rearrange our energy, we can use the positive things that do happen to make more positive things happen. It helped Sailor Moon last for five seasons! It's probably just not as effective to go into it thinking, even subconsciously, that there's so much bad happening that good just can't win.

In the words of Yoda, in regards to making things happen, "Do or do not. There is no try."

Yoda's pretty hard to follow, but this is Marigold, wishing everyone a happy Thursday!

Another Apology Post!

Sorry, in the first place, for a short post today.

In the second place, I have been without internet since Monday.

Be prepared for a lovely blog entry right here on Magical Girl Power! on Thursday!!!!

Loves from Marigold!

I will punish you in the name of the moon! For REAL!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/feb/13/new-feminism-defying-shame

Read that before you proceed with this. Don't worry, I'm patient - I'll wait.

Do you know what this means, ladies and gents and everyone in between? It means that we are not unnoticeable. People who want to change the world are getting up and DOING! This time last year, I would not have formally backed vigilantism. Now? There are things that are necessary and it all comes in levels. Whether it is the Gulabi Gang in India, beating men who beat women with sticks while dressed in pink saree, or one cosplayer at one con going "GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER BEFORE I REMOVE THEM FOR YOU!" I do not advocate violence, when violence can be avoided, because violence tends to beget the same. However, it is now the time for us to do what we have to do to make oppression, fringe status, and marginalization stop.

I am a fan of musical theater, in case you didn't figure out by now. I have cosplayed Elphaba, the main character of Ozian fan-fiction-turned-musical Wicked multiple times. Everyone's favorite/the most well-known song from that musical seems to be "Defying Gravity." Take that song in a new context - Elphaba is doing the same thing as these women in this article. She is standing up and defying wrongdoing and shame. We all, nerds especially, have a responsibility to do this in our own lives. Those of us within the nerd community have had too much done to us over the years to let wrongdoing go unnoticed. Laurie Penny writes in the article linked above, "Sexism often functions as a pressure-release valve in times of social unrest – and when it does, it takes different forms, depending on local values."

The entire world, from what I gather, is in a time of social unrest, and it has been for a very long time. A good part of that social unrest is those who have been marginalized and oppressed standing up and saying "Fuck you, we're not taking your shit anymore!" Think about all the movements against bullying, whether they're comprehensive or specific to a particular fringe group. That is a terrific example of "Eff you and your bigoted bullcrap." I'm all about that. I keep saying, and I'll say it over and over and over, as long as I need to: Change starts with US - with YOU and ME.

This kind of in-your-face radicalism is certainly not for everyone, and radical actions can be dangerous. I'm not saying for a second that everyone should drop what they're doing and be radical in their daily actions. Try exploring radical thoughts, though. How about we all take a second to examine why some thoughts ARE considered radical. Take a moment and think of why it is considered a radical notion to say "Sex is good for you" or "Gender has no bearing on your worth as a person." It is, frankly, frightening that those notions can be considered radical. Take the "zero sum" mentality when it comes to the entitlement of rights: i.e. the notion that for one group to "gain" rights, the group in power must "lose" some of theirs.

Pick up these radical thoughts and play with them. That, I will advocate every day of my life. Take thoughts of extreme equality and tolerance and see what they feel like. Give an honest effort at shedding preconceptions, even to the point of your concept of "sin" or "goodness." To change the world, minds must change.

Keep in mind, in no way am I expressing a desire to homogenize the world. No. There will always be someone who has something that you don't have. To make everyone in this world the exact same would be tragic. How about, though, instead of marginalizing, demeaning, and suppressing difference, we celebrate it! Celebrate how beautiful someone is, no matter what ethnicity, social group, fandom, or religion they belong to! Learn about someone who is different from you! I'm going to tell you the same thing my mom taught me: you don't have to like everybody, but you do have to be respectful to them. Nothing gets solved with hate.

I really don't have a neat resolution to today's entry. Trust me, if I had a neat resolution to this entire issue, this blog wouldn't NEED more than one entry! And if somebody had neat solutions to all these things, I'm sure they would have done it a long time ago. All I can say to wrap things up is an encouragement to keep fighting. Fight bigotry and meanness where you see it. Yell at the top of your lungs when you see something not right, and don't shut up. It is entirely beneficial to the oppressive system when we're scared and quiet and acquiescent. Don't let them have it that easy. We are nerds. We are not convenient. We get things done.

Marigold, singing the song of angry men, wishing you all an honorable fight.

Every Body is Okay.

I admit, I was having trouble thinking of something to blog today. Then I was on Twitter and I saw a link in a post by @SockDreams (if you love socks, you should follow them!) that helped. "The Problem with Skinny Bashing" by Ali Berman really spoke to me, but the link they posted was its follow-up piece: Body Bashing: 5 Ways to Fix It. Both pieces make me super-happy, as I detest just pissing and moaning without offering viable solutions. For my part, I would like to do a somewhat nerd-based follow-up to both.

First, I'd like to address where the problem of female body-bashing comes from at the root, and it's not pretty at all. The bottom line is, in our society, female and female-oriented bodies are public property. Remember my previous posts about "hollering" and my follow-up to female cosplayers being excellent to each other? It's the same subject. If you identify as female, all of a sudden it is completely okay for anyone to say just whatever they please to you. I am calling some serious shenanigans, mule muffins, horse hockey, and BULLSHIT here!

Refuse to take this. Men and women and everyone in between - when you see body-bashing, do not let it pass uncommented-upon. Yes, that is a word now. Say "That is totally none of your business" or "That was really mean" or anything to call to attention the inappropriate nature of the comment. Change starts with YOU. I'm serious, y'all. Leonardo da Vinci wrote "He who does not punish evil commands it to be done." It's entirely too true, and waiting for someone else to do the right thing means one will be waiting rather a long wait. DO IT YOURSELF.

It is entirely a person's own business who they choose to cosplay. If someone who is not the body type you find personally attractive is wearing a costume you find revealing, you know what? THAT'S COOL! And no, this is not where you get all patronizing and say "Oh, that's so BRAVE of her to wear this or that." Nyet! Nope! That's backhanded body-bashing. Saying that a plus-sized woman is brave to wear whatever is saying that she has a societal obligation to be ashamed of her size. Sorry, not sorry - fuck the hell out of that. Her body and her cosplay are none of your dang business, and if you don't like it, refer to my other articles. Same that goes for a skinny or "conventionally attractive" woman cosplaying something revealing. No, you are still not entitled to yell about it. Whatever she looks like, her body's not your business.

Let's try another tack here: look at her cosplay. Has she done the character in a way you haven't seen before? Is there a particular piece of her outfit you're interested in the making of? That's cool! Ask her how she got the pleats in her Sailor Moon skirt so perfect. Maybe she has reproduced Rikku's signature hairstyle to a tee - tell her that! There's a zillion things to comment constructively on about any cosplay besides the wearer's body. I'd say probably the most personal you should go is "You look just like -insert character here-" just to be on the safe side.

I know there's things out there we cannot change. Off-hand, all I can think of is the sun rising, the tide moving, and the Earth rotating. Until we get out there and start trying, we have no idea what we can really do. And I don't mean try once or twice and then chuck it. I mean get out there and bust your tail for change each and every day. I mean take up for people when you hear someone being nasty. I mean flag comments as abusive when they are. I mean read Ms. Berman's piece and take those five things to heart!

Second, I'd like to re-state something for the record, for however many times I need to say it: every body is a good body. I want everybody who has a body to respect and love and own their body! Take care of it! Be healthy and happy! Do you have to find everyone the hottest thing ever or be sexually attracted to everyone? No. That's absurd. You do, however, if you promote body positivity, have an obligation to recognize that everyone's view of beauty is bound to be a little different. Must you promote choices that are clearly unhealthy or destructive? No, that's crazy too. However, recognize that everyone's choices are their own. All you can do is constructively promote health, activity, and acceptance instead of shame, dismissal, and blame. That's what I'm trying to do and I invite you all to do it with me!

Marigold, wishing everyone love and hugs, saying "Have a good night!"