I was skimming through my Facebook feed when I saw something the lovely, wonderful, sweet, and talented Persephone Phoenix shared:
Ladies, have you ever felt this way at a con? No matter your size, shape, color, ability, what have you - has someone been unkind about your body at a con? Well, it's happened to me. It's happened to me at my lowest weight, which I estimate at about 102, and my highest weight - approximately 160. (Measurements are in pounds cuz I'm a dumb American...) I've heard it happen to other ladies - built similarly to me, built just like me, and built totally different from me - and it's not okay.
We deserve to LOVE to love our geekiness. All of us. Those of us who are size 2, those of us who are size 22, those of us above or below or anywhere in between. It is a gift to love something, to have passion for it, and you deserve to love that gift.
I'll reference my article on being excellent to each other again: we have GOT to stop tearing each other down and stop letting OTHER ladies be unkind to each other. It supports a culture in which our bodies are public property - where any schmuck on the street can say just whatever they please to us. When you hear people being jerks, SAY SOMETHING! Make it known that we aren't going to shut up and take it and neither should anybody else!
Gents... I am disappointed. Not calling out anybody individually here, but I am disappointed. I hear guys complain and complain about women at cons. Guess what? You have absolutely nothing to complain about. Look around at every woman at a con you go to. Think about how many, for every single one you see, stayed home for fear of harassment and body shaming. Imagine if every last one of those women who stayed home - whether out of fear, shame, or just being sick of it all - actually came to the con. Really, sit there and have a think about that. I'm no great shakes at math, but if there's 10,000 women at a con (hypothetical number) and for each one of them, five women stayed home because of body shaming... If I was a guy attracted to girls, I would be wailing and gnashing my teeth in the street! Then, I would get up off my butt and start thinking of how I could get those ladies to come to the con! How could I make cons a safer, cooler, more awesome place for ladies?
Some hints:
- Unless you are actually speaking of a cetacean, let the word "Whale" never escape your lips.
^^^ This is a cetacean.
- Same goes for any sort of body-shaming language. I am going to assume you know well and good what is body-shaming language.
- While we're at it, refrain from using any word connecting a woman's worth with what she does with her secondary sex characteristics. I KNOW you know what those are.
- Cut the bullshit about "I bet you never read the comics" and whatever. Got news for you - half of the new Avengers fandom only watched the movies. Same goes for Batman. Same for X-Men, Spiderman... Same will soon go for Superman. Get over it and just enjoy sharing the fandom.
- When you hear people doing any of the above... Well, I cannot actually advocate violence. Metaphysically, smite them with a giant hammer. In reality, make sure they know what they're doing is not okay at all ever.
Okay, making this list is actually killing my brain cells. Guys, y'all are intelligent people. You know how not to make people uncomfortable. You know how not to be mean. Please, for the love of every single deity ever known to any being on this planet, USE YOUR GOOD SENSE! I'm trying to help you! (I'm trying to help everybody...)
Pardon me - you may skip the oncoming rant if you so choose.
DUDES! Why the hell would you ever give a girl any trouble at a con!? A girl who caught shit at a con is a girl who will likely not come back, tell her friends not to come, and all that! EVERYBODY LOSES IN THAT SITUATION! If I were a dude, I would be treating every single girl I came across like she was God's gift to the planet itself! Because guess what!? WHEN GIRLS FEEL SAFE AND NOT SHAMED OR HARASSED, THEY WILL LIKELY COME BACK! What the devil is so hard to grasp about this!? Don't be a dick and don't allow harassment and body-shaming to go on and WOMEN WILL COME HAPPILY TO CONS!
Okay, sorry, that was my first reaction to seeing that comic and I just had to let it out. Seriously, everybody, can we just... not? For real. I don't like it. Other people don't like it. At no point does it make sense to go about doing things that are damaging and wrong and hurtful. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Nerds get bullied enough in the "real world." Cons are no place for bullying.
These guys said so. Do not disagree with these guys.
Marigold, unable to continue typing coherently while looking at that picture, wishing you happy Wednesday!
That comic has some truth filled balls. It was beautiful and it hurt. Sometimes it's possible to ignore comments like that, but other times, they really bite and it feels like no matter what we do, it's never the right thing to do or be. I don't know the whole lot of it, but it's a tough world.
ReplyDeleteFor the rest of your logic- pretty darn flawless :)
Thank you! I do try!
ReplyDeleteI've just always resented it when people say "Don't let it affect you" like it's so easy. It's not. When people are rude and mean, it hurts, and it's okay to feel hurt. I think "Don't let it affect you" is another way to make someone else feel less-than, because they didn't react "right."