Idea: "I am not the Macguffin."

Phantom of the Opera/Christine
Les Miserables/Cosette
Sleeping Beauty/Aurora
Snow White/Guess who?

See anything in common here?

Disclaimer: I love these stories/musicals/movies. I am not bashing them. I'm just calling for something new. Seriously, "calling out something for an issue" is not the same thing as "I hate this thing and I'm trying to make you hate it too." Repeat that over and over as needed.

The "heroines" of these stories are actually Macguffins. Like the Philosopher's Stone. Like Triton's trident. Like the One Ring. Like the Silver Crystal (sue me, I just went to AWA and had a huge feels-wave of my love for Sailor Moon come crashing back). Like whatever media Macguffin you can think of.

Problem 1 - women as Macguffins.

It's annoying at best - dehumanizing at worst. I think it's a shit kind of message for little girls to be spoon-fed over and over that they are there to be found/saved/discovered/won. Even when the heroine makes noises about having her own personality (Jasmine, I'm looking at you) the chips come down in the end and the HERO is the requisite day-saver. I'm sure there are examples out there of this not being the case. Tell me if you think of any, cos I haven't had my caffeine yet. Oh, by the way... This is jumping the gun a bit, because I'll mention this in a couple paragraphs, but the solution to Problem 1 is NOT ---

Problem 2 - "ME STRONG WOMAN! ME SMASH! ME NO NEED MAN! ARE FEMINIST!"

Yeah, I'm getting really annoyed with the caricatures that mainstream media is telling us represent "strong women." One, no, not all women are strong. Two, "strong" women are not strong all the time. You know what's similar about those two sentences? You can substitute the word "people" where you see "woman" and the sentence carries the exact same meaning! When a male character shows weakness of any kind... I'm gonna pick on Spencer Reid here for a second, mostly because it's easy... He's a better character because of his addiction, his headaches, his possible burgeoning schizophrenia! People actually like him MORE! Let a female character have that same combination of shit? Yeah, I'm not even going to regurgitate all that garbage at you. Go on Tumblr and see it for yourself.

Terrific example of this actually getting fixed:

Black Widow as she appears in Avengers (Say! I've got an idea! Let's see JUST how much super-sexualized violence we can get away with against her - like threatening to rip her tongue out while she's wearing next to nothing! There's just nothing like threatening her bodily integrity and making a HUUUUUUGE rape analogy, is there?! And, oh, by the way, she's STILL going to pretend to be completely emotionless while TOTALLY mooning over a barely-stuck-in-there Hawkeye! Cos she's GOTTA be attached to a man or we really can't think of a reason for her to be here... Nevermind that she has the same exact powers as Batman!)

versus...

Black Widow as she appears in Captain America: The Winter Soldier (Natasha: "Holy hell. I fucked up big time. There are goddamn Nazis all over SHIELD. This is a gigantic problem. I am going to own up to my mistakes and do my best to fix them. Am I as strong as Captain America? No, but I don't have to be because I have my own skill set that is just as valuable. And, yeah, Steve probably wouldn't be learning to function in the 21st century near as well without my helping him.")


Solution to Problem 1 - STOP IT!

Yes, we are in an age where most writers (I'm pretty sure) are women. If you want to know why that's awesome, just go read Nathaniel Hawthorne's thoughts on the subject of women writers. However, we as women writers seem only to get published if we stick to the hackneyed stereotypes of what women in the public eye as characters are expected to be. Or, we go so far the other direction that we steer straight into Problem 2.

Solution to Problem 2 - Stop that bullshit and call it out when you see it.

Please, for the love of god, don't write a female character on the "Let's see how unfeminine we can possibly make her" scale. We need to stop equating the feminine with the bad. It's called internalized misogyny and it needs to stop.

Consult this list for help:

• A female character can have a romance and still be considered "strong"
• It is okay if a female character mishandles a romance - people do that
• Every mistake does not have to be an existential crisis
• A female character can be feminine and still be considered "strong"
• A RELATIONSHIP DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THE CENTRAL PORTION OF HER STORY.

Please repeat that last one for as long as it takes for it to sink in.

By the way, this is all without even mentioning mainstream transphobia  and homophobia in "mainstream" literature, and biphobia within LGBTQA+ literature. This is all without mentioning polyamorous relationships in media and the erasure thereof. If your character falls in one, two, or all of these categories, then please ask someone who knows better than I how best to handle this. I am aware of the problem, but I do not know how to correctly give information upon it. I would rather tell you "I don't know" than tell you something wrong and/or problematic.

Bottom lines:

George R. R. Martin was not the first human to discover that women are people, so let's all start writing women as people.

I am looking to start printing "I am not the Macguffin" on T-shirts. Let me know if you are interested.

Fight tooth and nail against the "Problem 2" model of writing women.

This is Marigold, on her way to get dressed for choral rehearsal, wishing you a happy Thursday!

Sifting an actual message out of total failsauce.

 I have been seeing this article flying around on Facebook and Tumblr for a couple of days now. I gave it a read and as soon as I saw the words "black privilege" it was hard not to shut it then. However, I kept what was left of an open mind and looked at the rest of the entry. They did get a couple of minute details right, mostly about the patriarchy. Upon a second reading, I am reasonably sure these people were trying for satire and they kind of missed it entirely. Although, really good satire means you can't tell it's satire... (Seriously, they advocate piss as a hair product. Pretty sure they're not serious.)

Now, okay, I am not even going to start on the whole "black privilege" thing. White people trying to tell people of color to check their privilege (whole 'nother article) is just... ugh. Don't even get anybody started. The article was about hair, and I am in no way at all saying that white women's hair is so politicized as women of color, particularly Black women. But when I see commercials for hair products, I did see the little teeny tiny cereal crumbs of "I kinda see where they were trying to come from" that you can see if you squint real hard.

Look at the norms for hair promoted in these commercials. One, the models are overwhelmingly white. I'm honestly not sure I've ever seen a commercial specifically for hair products aimed at women of color, but that might have more to do with the fact that I watch Criminal Minds, River Monsters, and reruns of 90s cartoons pretty much overall. Two, the hair is one of two ways. 90 percent of the hair is straight. Products are out there to "repair" the damage done by blowdryers and flatirons - these claims are straight-up lies, since you cannot repair keratin. The 10 percent of hair that is shown to have any texture at all is hair that has been straightened, then curled in the most deliberate way humanly possible.

The message is that anyone's "natural" hair - any hint of the texture that actually grows out of your head, is somehow wrong. Naturally curly or wavy hair is considered messy, unkempt, or even dirty. In order to look like you're "supposed to", you have to buy all the gadgets to straighten it and all the products to smooth it. Then, and ONLY THEN, may you "curl" it. That, of course, requires more gadgets and more products. Following that message is the message that if you do not do these things, you are not trying. You are breaking the social contract set forth for you, like failing to wear makeup or keep up with fashion.

It's not the politicizing of Black hair - the prohibition of "ethnic" hairstyles by school dress code (no shit, my school was guilty), the constant exposure to colorism, the push for women of color to approximate whiteness as much as possible. That's a totally different level. It's wrong.

But it's still worth looking at that our society pushes EVERYONE to be totally artificial. Your real hair is dirty and wrong and you have to do this and that and the other thing to make it right. If you don't make your hair smooth and straight and shiny, then you look unkempt. If you want texture or body, you must do it in the way the Powers That Be prescribe. It IS another ploy by the patriarchy to make sure we don't like anything about ourselves.

So the article is probably satire, and not the greatest of satires either. If you look hard enough, though, there's a little itty-bitty point in there. While it isn't anything to do with minority erasure, white approximation/normalization, the politicizing of bodies of color, or anything like that - those are huge issues and they need to be tackled like anything else, bites at a time. It's worth looking into, however, when you find little reminders about how insidious the patriarchy really is.

I'm probably going to catch shit for this entry. And I'm here, ready to tell you - that's precisely what the patriarchy wants. They WANT us to say "How dare you be upset about this when THAT is going on?" That's the kind of shutting-down fussing that keeps the patriarchy in power. I am not qualified to speak on the politicizing of Black hair, since I am not Black. But I'm pretty qualified to say "My hair is just fine the way it is, and I'm not going to buy into the Powers That Be telling me I need to do this, that, and the other thing to it." So, before you go off on me, take a good hard look - we can either fix problems, or we can keep pissing and swiping at each other. I'll back you and your decision to do whatever with your hair - it's yours, it's on your head, so do what you want! I encourage you to back others' personal grooming decisions, etc.

Marigold, sitting around with her hair up over the back of the couch, wishing you a happy Winds' Day.

Sitting about, reading... Like I do...

And I get to Jessica Valenti’s passage in “He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut - and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know” about shaving/hair removal.

I get where she and other feminists are coming from. I really do. Bodily autonomy. It is totally a thing. It needs to be shouted from the rooftops. Sure - refuse to shave because fuck the patriarchy. Sure - refuse to shave because it saves time. Sure - refuse to shave because you don’t fucking want to.

But do not give me shit because I shave.

You do not know my situation. I have an autism spectrum disorder. Part of that disorder includes sensory snafus, including overload. Tactile issues have given me personal hell since I was a tiny baby. Ask my mom - I would somehow kick out of onesies in my crib. I cannot abide anything that itches. Or is sticky, but that’s not a shaving issue.

I find body hair intolerably itchy. It has nothing to do with standards of beauty. Zero to do with attracting the sexual interest of the Theoretical Random Cis-Het Man. Not because someone told me hairy girls are gross. It has everything to do with the fact that if I cannot relieve an itch, I could tear my skin off trying.

I get that I’m probably a pretty specific situation. But you don’t know. Before you go off on somebody for “feeding the patriarchy” with whatever their personal hygiene routine happens to be, make sure you know their entire situation.

This kind of body policing, even if it's in the name of feminism, is part of the reason the patriarchy still thinks it's winning. When you get snippy at another woman because you don't like what she does with her body, guess what? You're being just as bad. If you have a serious disagreement with someone over something they are doing, by all means address that. Just do it without attacking. I hate to come across like a third grade teacher (Mrs. McGoldrick, you were AWESOME - don't get me wrong!) but use your words. You can say "I disagree with you doing X because Y" without screaming "YOU'RE WRONG!" at the person. You can also express concern if you feel the person may genuinely be harming themselves.

First thing you need to do, however, is ask yourself "What's this got to do with me?" If you really think that someone's, in this case, personal hygiene habits, are your business, ask yourself why. Ask yourself and answer honestly, "Why am I so concerned with what this person is doing?" I'm not a religious person, but I think there's something to be said for "Before you criticize the speck in your neighbor's eye, remove the plank of wood from your own." I'm not going to get snarky and say "Before you criticize me, make sure you're perfect."

By the way... CRITICISM is different from ATTACKING. Please tell me I do not have to insult your intelligence by explaining the difference. We're all mature people here - we know how to make a point without descending into biting at someone's character or getting personal.

On that same note, I'm going to cross-post something I posted on my friend E.'s Facebook. Context: he was asking if there is a way to criticize someone who is different/a minority without coming across as intolerant or an asshole. (Quick answer: yes.)

"Our society puts great stigma on being wrong. It's looked on as a blow to your character, rather than something that inevitably happens and you are supposed to learn from it. Therefore, instead of taking criticism as a learning tool, people take it as a personal attack. They'll then do any mental gymnastics necessary to make double sure they're bleating "I'M NOT WRONG!" just as loud as they can.

First, we need to do away with this whole "Being wrong makes you a bad person" mentality. Then, we need to make sure that what we are saying IS truly a criticism, not just an attack because what they are doing is making us feel like we might be wrong. We've created this culture of "Bite them before they bite you" so everyone has this marked tendency to just lash out anytime they hear something they do not instantly and totally agree with."

I see this in feminist discourse all the time. Instead of having an actual DISCOURSE, in which people can exchange sometimes-conflicting points of view and come to their own conclusions, I see the same screaming and gnashing of teeth as your average YouTube comments. Instead of seeing "Okay, I disagree with you and you disagree with me, but what we're each doing works for us" or even possibly picking up new ideas, I'm seeing "YOU'RE A HORRIBLE FEMINIST! YOU'RE A BAD PERSON! YOU MAKE THIS A ROTTEN WORLD FOR WOMEN!" F everyone's I, that's a terrific way for the patriarchy to win. Whatever the point is, it is totally possible for several different things to be workable. Person A can want to go to school for engineering while Person B wants to study music. There's no need to tear each other's throats out just for being into different things.

On the original point, I get the case against shaving. I hear you and I understand. But show some empathy for someone experiencing a different situation. I would rather shave/wax/thread/Nair/whatever than tear my skin apart from unbearable itching. If you wish never to remove any hair from your body ever, cool. Not my business, cos it’s not my body.

I would appreciate being extended the same courtesy.

Marigold, loving the smell of her massage oil substituted for lotion, wishing you a beautiful day!

(BTW... It's been a long, strange trip, but this is the 50th post on this blog!!!!!)

International Women's Day/Happy New Year!!!

Welcome back to Magical Girl Power, everybody! I have to apologize once again for the unannounced hiatus. Everything has just been really crazy since the holidays. A lot of the time, I just do not have the energy to log in and post something well-thought-out. Hell, sometimes, I can't even muster up the spoons just to sputter in outrage. Gods only know there's enough out there to be outraged about... But that's not what we're here about today.

This time last year, I posted a tribute to some seriously awesome ladies in my life. Well, a year later, they're still awesome! I'm really not sure what I could say to one-up any of what I said last year... However, I've got a couple of new inspirational ladies to add to the list!!

Raven - last year, when I got really, really sick, I had to miss the opening weekend of the Georgia Renaissance Festival. A year later, I could not be gladder of that fact. Raven is a terrific personification of ladies building each other up!! I am so proud to know her! She can do practically anything crafty under the sun, and she is an extremely calming influence around loads of people. Also, we encourage each other's less-than-socially-acceptable habits and we have a truly rockin' time with it! I cannot thank her enough for remaining in my life, particularly through the last year with all its completely shitty moments. From what she's said, I bring her up as well and I can only hope that I continue to do just as well and better! (She's also a serious stitch-witch and takes commissions, for all my cosplaying readers!)

Ashley - we met years ago, but we really didn't start getting close until rather recently. Sweet, seriously sexy, and super-nerdy!! Again, I need way more lady-friends like Raven and Ashley in my life. All of us have witnessed entirely too much internalized misogyny for a lot of lady-friends to have been much of a possibility in the past. Ashley is awesomely creative - we've got some pretty freaking great plans for DragonCon of this year! She's got an intense work ethic and she goes for what she wants, and screw anybody who might try and stop her! On a more personal note, she totally understands what it's like for those of us out there living with digestive funk.

I'd also like to mention my mom again on International Women's Day. As y'all may or may not know, it's just the two of us now. A lot of days, it's been really hard. Neither of us gets out terribly often. Mom would rather not, but I'm more... just out of something to do. We're up under each other's noses all the time if we're not at school/work and it does drive us crazy. She has been doing so much to help me achieve autonomy, even when most days it seems everything is working against me. I love you, Mom... I know it hasn't been easy, but I thank you for every single thing you do.

Like I said in the first paragraph, there's a lot out there to just be outraged about. It seems like no matter how we try to claw our way uphill, we just slide back. Particularly here in the United States, reproductive health rights are under significant fire. Health care in general is pretty fucked here, all because the Powers That Be would rather stamp their little feet than do anything for the "other guy." Women are still being punished on levels up to and including violence just for being women. We're still squabbling with each other over intersectionality and inclusivity within feminism. Internalized misogyny, transphobia, erasure of WOC from feminist discourse... It really does look impossible to come out on top a lot of the time.

But please... Even if, like me, you need to just sit down and take a break, get up and start fighting again. I'm trying. I feel like a hypocrite for encouraging y'all to do when all I am capable of is trying, but I ask you from the bottom of my heart... Try with me? If I had more spoons and more time before I go into work, I'm sure I'd say more, but at this point in the day, I don't. Thank you for bearing with me during spotty update and personal bad spots.

Marigold, leaving you all with a little more love than you came in with, over and out...