Chivalry vs. Politeness

Hello, all! Are we having a good Thursday? I know my one class today, for some reason, nearly killed me with boredom. No idea why, but I was sitting there thinking "shoot me now..." Maybe it's because I've had two helpings of Starbucks today and I'm running on caffeine and nerves. Just maybe. Anyway, how about we move on to the subject of today's entry?

Addison, my dear commenter, posted a comment on my Facebook about my last article, asking me to do a blog entry about what I think of chivalry, what the feminist view on it is, et cetera. Without further ado, I shall say this: politeness should have no gender, nor qualifying factors. If you will, take a moment to look at the Merriam-Webster online entry on chivalry. Please note specifically definition four: "the system, spirit, or customs of medieval knighthood." With only the word "medieval," we can rather fairly assume that the system, spirit, or customs at hand may be rather outmoded. Whether you're looking at medieval as a period in history or an adjective unto itself, the subtext is about the same - it's old.


Another thing - this was just brought up to me by a male friend I was having coffee with: chivalry itself was an ideal. It was not exactly adhered to in its own time - read some troubadour poetry or some of the Canterbury Tales. People were just as bawdy and base as they are now. Knights were rough and gross and actually had a fairly bad reputation for being violent, drunk, and destructive. Point the second - and I'll touch on this again - is that the chivalrous treatment of "ladies" had a very narrow definition to it. Basically, it only applied to women of title - if you actually were "Lady Something or Other." Women of lower station were considered just that - lower, and therefore undeserving of special treatment.

Before anybody jumps down my throat, saying that I'm complaining when men are just being nice to me... don't. I have no problems with anyone opening a door, offering me a seat, whatever. Those are polite things to do. My caveat is "What is the mindset behind it?" I like it when people are polite to me because I try my best to be polite to others. However, it goes a bit hand-in-hand with watching how people treat waitstaff: that is how they will eventually treat you. The mindset behind knights' chivalry when it came to treatment of women came with the assumption that "ladies" were delicate, confused little things who probably couldn't find a loo without assistance. I don't like that. 

Backing up a little bit, there's something semi-related that's been flying round on Facebook and Tumblr that I would like to address. It's a picture of the Disney Princesses beside a picture of two young ladies who are scantily-clad and doing the "duck face." The caption on the picture is "Girls, you've gotta act like a princess if you want to catch a prince." There are so, so many things wrong with that. It goes back to the idea behind knightly chivalry. ONLY CERTAIN WOMEN WERE WORTHY OF IT. If you were this or that or the other thing, you were disqualified and nothing you ever did would make you worthy. You were a second-class citizen, barely more than a creature. You were there to provide booze and bodice - that was it. I detest the concept that a woman must be or act a certain way to be worthy of respect or affection.

If you are aiming to treat people with respect and dignity, you should treat everyone with respect and dignity - there should be no qualifying factor. If you get to the door first, hold it open for the people behind you instead of letting it drop. It's a polite thing to do. If  you are seated and someone is struggling, whether they are elderly, have mobility issues, children, or cumbersome packages, and you are able-bodied, it is polite to offer your seat. Gender does not need to figure into the equation if the equation starts with "person appears to need assistance" or what have you. I do not believe for a second that one gender or another is more or less deserving of human dignity, politeness, and respect. 

"Oh, but knights put their ladies on a pedestal and treated them with utmost respect!" you might say. Baloney! Sheer patootie, that is! One - I'll say it again - chivalry was an ideal, one of those really nice things to think about, philosophize, and immortalize in song and verse. Yeah, whatever! Two, when something or somebody's on a pedestal, guess what? They've got a little way to go and a long way to fall. Putting a person on a pedestal is actually a little dehumanizing once you think about it. Do that and you're not seeing them as a person - you're seeing an idea of them. Anything they do that goes against that idea cracks the image that you've created and all of a sudden the fall off that pedestal. Ever heard the term "soiled dove"? No? Okay, if you're not a Civil War re-enactor, that might be a little antiquated. 

Guess what it refers to. Just guess. Yep! Prostitutes. Doves represent purity, right? (I don't really know where anybody got that idea. Doves are just pretty pigeons and the poo just as much.) The term meant that this woman had fallen off her pedestal and was now worthy of no more than pity at best, Hell itself at worst. She was barely even a human person anymore. That's pretty harsh, isn't it? You do something that somebody doesn't like and all of a sudden you are the worst, filthiest, vilest thing in the history of ever. You're not worthy of love or dignity, or even a decent burial when you die. Do we have the concept of "soiled doves" today? You bet we do - it's called slut-shaming.

Y'all, really. We have come so much farther than this. The ideas of knightly station and soiled doves should be left where they belong - in history. This world has become so progressive and come so far in so many ways. Look at the amazing things we've done! Surely a society that has what we have - our myriads of advancements, technology, and wonderful things - can do so much better. We have the capability - I really believe that. I also believe that things can change for the better. It just takes looking round and being proactive. You can do it yourself every day, by remembering that respect has no gender.

There's something my mom raised me with, and I think it's pertinent to share with all of you. You don't have to like everyone, and they don't have to like you. It's okay to disagree with people, even to dislike them. However, with that in mind, it is never, ever okay to be rude or mean or disrespectful to someone. There's a lot of things I disagree with my mom on, but this is one thing she taught me that I will always, always try my best to adhere to, no matter who I'm dealing with. I think the world in general will start to get on a lot better when more people take this into practice.

Marigold, on this lovely Thursday evening, reminding you stay excellent to each other!

Talking to the guys today!

It's Tuesday!!! You know what that means? Yep! A new article here on Magical Girl Power! Today, I'm talking to the guys who read this blog. (It's okay, Addison - I see you!) I really, truly hope to several different gods, goddesses, and Arnold-shaped gum-shrines that this is common-sense. Obviously, though, since there's still books and articles and all kinds of things being written about it, it's not - so I figured I'd go ahead and add my two cents in!

http://feministing.com/2011/04/05/the-un-funny-unfair-and-un-feminist-thing-about-victim-blaming/

Victim-blaming. Dudes, I know it's normally women talking to women about victim-blaming. This kinda needs to stop, and I mean now. There's something really scary about victim-blaming, and it's not just how a girl has to be afraid that if something bad happens to her it's her fault. Men, the other side is that how if something bad (rape) happens to a woman, it's not your fault. Yep, something bad happening to someone else is not your fault. Go back, read it again as many times as you need for it to sink in. I'll show you a picture so you know what I mean.

How do you like that? It leaves a really bad taste to me... Yes, I'm a woman, so I will never, ever, in a million years understand what it is like to be a man. I do, however, know that it feels really bad to be told that, because of who or what I am, I am more likely to hurt someone. Do you want people naturally assuming that you can't keep your hands to yourself because what someone is wearing? I really, really hope not. I don't care if an obsession with Sailor Mercury has been 'your thing' since you first got confused about why an animated woman was hot. Keep your sticky paws off the cute Sailor Mercury cosplayer until you have an established "yes"!

You know how I just said that every time women bring other women down, the patriarchy wins? Okay, maybe you (everyone but Addison!) didn't read that one. Let me spell it out another way: when men harm and victimize, they are keeping the status quo as well. They're holding up a dangerous ideal of machismo with impunity AND IT MAKES ALL MEN LOOK BAD! Guess what? When dudes act like that, YOU - the actual good man - are less likely to find sexual satisfaction. Warning: don't talk to me about friendzoning, because I will shut you down. That's probably going to be Thursday's article, if nothing else pops up.

Here's my take on this, from personal experience. I went to a small Catholic middle and high school. I remember what it was like for the counselor to come in when we were all about 13 or so, send the boys out of the room, and "have a talk" with the girls. About half of us had all come from the same elementary school. When Mrs. D. [name withheld] started to talk about how boys were about to start getting urges, I started to get the urge to get sick. She started telling us how boys were sinful and how it was up to us to maintain virtue and purity. You know, don't be alone with boys or they'll want to get touchy and, oh by the way, it's our fault if we "let them." It immediately told us two things: 1. Obviously, their virtue is MORE important if we have to do double-duty so they can keep it, watching after ourselves AND them. 2. My male friends were about to want to do me bodily harm and not be able to control themselves.

Sorry-not-sorry... SCREW THAT! I was not about to swallow for a minute that my friends' natural state was that of some mindless, violent beast, and you shouldn't have to either. Men, whether you like women, men, both, or something in between, stand up! I don't care if you act like gentlemen or Disney princes or Han Solo or whoever. Just stand up and act like good, decent human beings, for the sake of every other human being. I'll say this until I'm green in the face (which is closer than it might seem!) and it's that we're all in this together. When someone says girls shouldn't do this, that, or the other thing, call them out on their bullshit! Try this: you hear someone talking about how "girls shouldn't dress slutty." Look them dead in the eye and ask them "So, do you really think I'm totally incapable of, you know, not raping someone just because of their clothes?" Tell them you're offended because they just impugned YOUR character.

Bottom line: whatever character anybody's cosplaying, be sure you HAVE some character too.

Marigold/Hyper-chan, standing up for guys in the name of feminism, saying have a lovely day!

Yesterday's Lesson

Hello, my lovelies! Sorry for the lack of posting yesterday and Friday. Simply had too much to do, and I'm sure you know how that is. Well, on with the posting for today - that is what y'all came to read, isn't it? Okay, today I'm not really tackling any major, huge, universal issues. So, sorry, if you came for a rant, please go get some ice cream instead. Today's just for me to sort of report on what happened yesterday. It's my blog, so I figured I'd fill you in on some of my personal progress. In a way, I guess you could still say it's tackling a larger issue. As my teacher said yesterday, there's two things a woman watching a burlesque performance is usually thinking.

1. She's amazed that you are up there doing that because she wishes she could do it too.
2. She is also a performer and knows how it is to be up there.

Not sure if I've covered this, but I have this tendency to be absolutely awful to myself. You may take this opportunity to call me a hypocrite, if you wish. Yes, the things I try my best to teach others to do - respecting each other, keeping mean comments to yourself - I'm really bad about not doing myself. I can forgive anyone else practically anything, but I am really not nice to myself sometimes. It really tends to flare up if I'm doing something where I perceive there is a "right" and a "wrong" way to do it. Performance tends to fall neatly in that category, and I can be truly terrible to myself if I pick up in any way that I have screwed up. If I'm doing it perfectly, everything is fine and breezy and wonderful, but the second I make a mistake, I go to pieces.

Part of learning burlesque performance, I have discovered, is going to be learning to silence those bad little voices that say "You did it WRONG." Any sort of performance, once you hit the stage, is probably 5% actual preparation and 100% how you just go with it. Yes, I know that's 105%, just like in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but seriously... When the moment comes, it's all about what happens up there and just going with it. Garter belts snap, microphones fail, stuff gets stuck that's not supposed to stick, stuff doesn't stick when it's supposed to, hair takes a mind of its own... All of that shit just happens and my job is to make it look like it's all part of the show. I know the stories - told to me and that I've read - about stuff that's gone wrong during a fantastic show. To an extreme, people have DIED on-stage and the show must go on. I just need to learn to apply that to what I'm personally doing. I know I go on about how mean we are to each other, but maybe I should address how mean we are to ourselves.

Think about all the nasty things you say to yourself. I know we all do it. We say things to ourselves that we wouldn't even tolerate another woman saying to us, much less a man. Seriously, we can be really horrible to ourselves and, even though I know it's going to take me a while, can we all try to work on that? Let's try and catch ourselves when we start on a self-hating diatribe.

I'm not going to tell you to be all merry sunshine and "look at how awesome I really am!" because that doesn't work. I know it doesn't because it's the same Pollyanna bullshit that people have been feeding me since I was five. We all have stuff about ourselves that we really don't like and would like to improve upon. That's great, actually. That's probably how we grow. But do we really have to be so mean to ourselves about it?

Another thing I'd like to mention: when you're going down that list of stuff you hate about yourself, take a step back. Look at that list, maybe ask your doctor or something, what you really CAN change on there. Short of surgery and miracles, there's no way most of us are going to stand without our thighs touching AND have triple-G boobs AND a Brazilian butt AND have doctorates in three subjects. We need to be way more realistic with ourselves. If you think you're too fat, ask yourself how you can healthily change that. If you think you're not smart enough, pick up a book you've never read before and get through it for real - underline, look stuff up, ask people about it! We spend way too much time obsessing about things that we really can't do much about. When we do that, we lose sight of the things we CAN modify.

... wow, that escalated quickly. I was really planning on going over what I actually went over with my teacher yesterday, I promise! Well, if you came for a rant and didn't go for ice cream when I asked you to, thanks for thinking outside the box... cone... whatever. Seriously though, everybody, we need to all try to be nicer to ourselves, especially if we're going to be nicer to each other. I'm sure that on some level, just like when the patriarchy wins when women bring each other down, the patriarchy wins when we bring OURSELVES down. If we keep being horrible to ourselves just like we've all in some way been taught to do (hate is a learned behavior in all its forms), then we're just letting them keep us in a second-class position. Not cool, y'all.

I'm not perfect. I will probably continue to be horrible to myself until I catch myself at it, then I'll feel worse, but then I'll try again to get better. Hopefully, eventually, that'll lead to actual betterment. You can't get better at all if you don't acknowledge the problem, right? Let's all promise, right now, that we're at the very least going to start CATCHING when we're being mean to ourselves.

Marigold, actually feeling more confident after last night, saying have a good Sunday!

Dudes... be EXCELLENT to each other!

http://comicimpact.com/2013/01/letter-cosplay/

I keep reading this. I keep reading it over and over and over. It's still an open tab on my Firefox. Confession: I've been reading this when I should have been reading school books and stuff like that, kind of like blogging while I should be doing that stuff. And you want to know why I keep reading this again and again? It's so damn true. Go read it. Read it right now. I'll wait.

...

...

...

Okay, have you read it? Maybe you should read it again. Sure as hell I can't put it any better than this lovely lady did! I can just add my own commentary, so here it goes... I'm sure we've all seen it, most of us are probably guilty of it ourselves - I'm not perfect, so guilty as charged. I mean, no, I try not to POST hate-filled rants, but I've certainly said some things I couldn't promote publicly. In any and every arena, women are absolutely horrible to each other. We say things to and about each other that we would definitely not tolerate a man saying. Worse, we internalize these things that come from other women, and maybe we start talking to OURSELVES that way.

Ladies, do I have your attention? Okay? QUIT IT! You know that moment in Mean Girls where Tina Fey says "You have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores! It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores!" Well, no. It's not okay to call names  at all, and we all learn that when we are small children. Seriously - it's no way to treat each other and it makes life that much harder on ALL of us. It makes blanket statements like "Women are so catty/petty/bitchy." and "You can't trust other women." waaaaaay too easy to make.

And here's another point: when we, as women, do not have healthy relationships with each other, the patriarchy wins. I know that sounds like crazy-talk and stuff like "Oh, she's paranoid about THE MAN" and whatever. Well, here's the thing - it's true. It's something men cannot understand because they don't have to deal with it. The patriarchal society benefits immensely from women being discouraged from having healthy relationships with each other. THINK about how much CONTROL that gives men that they don't even know they have when women are always at each other's throats! It makes it EASY for them to dismiss us as catty little harpies who can't play straight when we go behind each other's backs. They feel perfectly justified in calling us hysterical, untrustworthy, and mean when they see nothing but hate and jealousy and pettiness.

It lets them win. It keeps us in a second-class position when we bring each other down. It applies ESPECIALLY in the nerd community. How many people have heard the backlash about nerd girls and don't even get me started on "fake" this, that, or the other girls? It's a load of grade-A mule muffins! When women do not treat each other with respect, it justifies men who refuse to give us any respect, and a woman who is not respected is a woman who feels unsafe. When women feel unsafe, it makes a bad situation for everyone. It turns everyone, even on common grounds like conventions, into adversaries, enemies, and that's not okay!

Ladies, come on. I'm not even going to say we're all grown-ups here, because many, MANY of the con set are so young, but we have got to do better than this. I feel it's not right to bemoan a problem if you're not going to try and offer a reasonable solution, so here goes: start stopping the hate. If you, personally, do not have something nice to say to another person, KEEP QUIET! You have every right to disagree with someone. You have the same right to dislike them! I've got a whole lot to say about women feeling like they have to be "friends" with everyone and that's bull too! However, NOTHING gives you the right to be nasty to someone else. If someone is being rude or mean to you, you're not doing anyone any favors by being horrible back to them. And if you see a trash-talk thread going on, call out the bullshit! We have GOT to stop ACTING like we're on Mean Girls! Refer to my last article - that kind of stuff is only okay/funny/excusable in the movies.

Marigold/Hyperchan, saying "Dudes... be EXCELLENT to each other!"

Entertainment, Feminism, and Nerds

Okay, this has been kind of bugging me for a while. I keep saying over and over that if you say anything starting with "You can't be a feminist and..." then you have missed the point of feminism. This particular blog tonight has to do with this opinion of mine and entertainment. I hear many women who identify as feminists bemoaning nerd culture and female objectification. In several cases, I can agree, but here's something else: nerdism is all about entertainment.

Just in case anyone out here has missed this breakthrough, let me say this: ENTERTAINMENT IS NOT REAL! Let us take the classic college flick, Animal House. My dad seemed to think it was a good idea to sit me through this when I was about thirteen. I absolutely adored the movie, howled like a hyena through the whole thing. The trouble came the next day at school, when teachers overheard me recounting dialogue to the effect of "They took the bar - the whole FUCKING bar!" Now, Animal House is the quintessential collection of dumb frat-house shenanigans, but here's the thing: it is funny because it is a movie! No one is actually advocating that drinking Jack Daniels straight out of a bottle like John Belushi appeared to do on camera! No one is saying that drunken, unsafe, dubiously-consensual sex is a good idea! It's funny because it is in a movie.

Ladies identifying as feminists, please hear me out. Y'all, I'm a female too and I find Animal House, The New Guy, and Dude, Where's My Car absolutely hilarious. The reason it's funny is that it would be absurd to do any of this stuff in real life! Take Animal House - those boys would be UNDER THE JAIL for that kind of crap if they did it for real, as well they should be! I just think everyone needs to calm down a little when it comes to the realm of entertainment.

Don't get me wrong, though - some things people are passing off as "entertainment" are genuinely harmful. Daniel Tosh, I am looking right at you and anyone who pays to advertise on your stupid, hateful, misogynistic crap collection of a television program. I am totally open to discussion on what everyone else feels is harmful and what is okay. Here's the other thing, though, with the exception of hate speech that is not ever funny: everyone's taste in entertainment is different. I think The Hangover is hysterical, but I don't particularly care for The Devil Wears Prada. I think most any comedy with Sandra Bullock in it is pretty darn funny! And, of course, portrayal of women in less absurd comedies is a bit of a different subject... but that's another show.

Long story short, if you feel very strongly that something is harmful in entertainment, please, PLEASE voice that opinion. I'm not here to tell anybody you have to like what I like or that what you like isn't okay. However, please take a good look at what's offending you - asking yourself why something is offensive to you personally is a great way to grow!

Marigold, sorry for blogging so late tonight, saying "TOGA! TOGA!"

Brief Burlesque Body Beef

In case you don't know, I spend a lot of time (probably... more than I should) on the blogging/photo-sharing site Tumblr. If you don't know Tumblr, don't worry - I care about your lonely soul and you should go there. You should go there a lot. There's a lot of good to be said about Tumblr: a generally-positive atmosphere, relatively few trolls, and really awesome stuff on there. However, this is kind of a kvetching post, so let's just skip the gristle and get right down to the main course, shall we?

Okay, I've established that I am an aspiring/learning burlesque performer. Since my teacher was so impressed with my preparedness for last lesson, I've been headfirst in research. Tumblr, with its infinite pages of pictures and stories, seemed a good place to start. At first, I saw things that made me just wonderfully happy - ideas for costumes and makeup, links to useful videos, etc. However, the more time I spent on the "burlesque" and "pinup" tags, the more crestfallen I became.

The more I looked, the more I noticed a very, VERY specific type in the pictures: milky-white skin, vintage hair cuts, curvaceous hourglass (read: thicker) figures, and loads of colorful tattoos.  I got the impression very quickly that this is what "perfect" is supposed to look like for burlesque. I would assume this is a personal issue, but I would also venture to guess many people share it: when you're going to do something, you try to do it as close to "perfect" or "right" as possible. Performance art, even one that is meant to be so body-positive - like burlesque - can be quite unforgiving of the unconventional/unusual. I felt like throwing down my guns and quitting before I even hit my first lesson.

I am absolutely none of those things. Being half Cajun by blood, my skin isn't quite dark enough to be considered by convention "exotic" (I'm not even TOUCHING that subject today) and I turn sort of yellow in the winter. My hair is naturally sort of... um... Well, let's not guess at that, but I swore off dye three years and had a color rinse in September so... Yeah, it's brownish-reddish... Oh, and it touches my tailbone. I do NOT have Dita Von Teese hair - and those haircuts are not very versatile beyond "vintage" styles, I've found. I also go to ren-fests, so long hair is needed for braids and curls and looking like a fairy. Also, I haven't got a single tattoo or piercing anywhere on my body - I need to get my ears re-done. So, there I was, thinking that yet again, I didn't fit the physical mold for something I really wanted to do.

And I really don't like that I wound up on that train of thought. Burlesque is a lovely thing, a beautiful way for women to explore and use and wear their sensuality in a powerful way. However, if we're all going to preach body positivity, I'd like to SEE more bodily variety on these Tumblr tags. Yes, Dita Von Teese is a gorgeous woman and a talented performing artist/marketing director. I'm not here to knock anybody as long as they're not going to be a jerk. However, just like "conventional" modeling or the beauty industry, there's a very narrow range of people who fit that. Not saying those people aren't attractive and wonderful and amazing in their own way, but let's see some variation!

All that being said, I'm really looking forward to my next lesson on the 26th! Look for another post specifically about that when it happens. I actually - surprise, surprise - have a lot to say about the learning/practicing process, but as Alton Brown says, that's another show. I'm really trying to keep this blog from being yet another person just beefing and whining to the Internet at large. So, this upcoming week, I'll be really trying to find examples of awesomeness to blog about!

Marigold, all bundled up in blankets, saying have a happy day!

Just my opinion - how many of you share it?

http://sexgenderbody.tumblr.com/

This is a totally awesome Tumblr - most of the time. They really post a lot of wonderful, thought-provoking things, and the submissions they take are amazing too. However, the person running this Tumblr is posting some things tonight that are disturbing to me. The blog claims to be sex-, gender-, and body-positive, yet they are blaming white, Christian men for everything that is wrong with the world. I disagree with this. Maybe this is just me, but I feel nothing can be fixed or healed with blame, contempt, or hate. Those things close the door to respect and discourse, and I don't think that's the right way to go about it. Again, that's just my opinion.

How many of you share this blogger's opinion? How many of you share mine? What are YOUR opinions? I really want to know. I just think that this world's problems have so very many sources that it is majorly unfair to place the blame squarely on one group, particularly one that is arbitrary. No one can help what race they are born. To an extent, you sort of can't help your religion - if you are born in a certain place, it is more likely you will be born into a certain religion. Yes, you do have freedom of choice, especially when you're older, but what faith your family follows is largely accident of birth.

Here's where I get a little rant-y - you can skip this paragraph if you want to. How dare you tell me that my friends and family are bad people because of who they are!? How dare you tell me that my dad is a bad person for being born white, and born and raised in a Roman Catholic household? (My dad can be kind of a jerk, but that has nothing to do with his race or religion. If you knew my dad, you'd totally get that.) How dare you tell me that my best friend James or my brother Dylan or my little cousin A. [name of minor withheld] are bad for being born a certain color? NO. You don't get to say that, because that makes YOU just as guilty of judging someone without bothering to THINK or get to know them. Not classy, y'all - not cool.

Also (perhaps rant-y too), this person has posted lots of just plain anti-white stuff over the last, I would say - hopefully remembering correctly, last few weeks. Who the hell are you to tell me that I am a bad person because of the color of my skin? I can't change it. Well, okay, here's some sarcasm for you, even though I usually don't like going there: I CAN change it, but that much green paint gets expensive and even I can only handle the Wicked soundtrack so many times through. There - sorry, I normally feel like sarcasm somewhat invalidates one's own argument, but I'm rather angry. You can disregard this paragraph too, if it makes you feel better.

Another point, and I don't care if I take some hate for this: if you want to say "Don't hold it against me for being born such-and-such a way" then don't hold it against someone else how they're born. The only thing I'm sure and certain about is that no one is born a bigot. This goes beyond being a niche issue of any kind, whether racial or gendered or ability-targeted or what-have-you. I feel the attitudes depicted recently by this Tumblr are divisive and unhealthy, and that makes me sad. I feel we need to move away from punishment and competition towards rehabilitation and cohesion. Whatever your opinions, faith - any place that you are in life - we have got to remember what Mufasa said and put it best: "We are all connected in the great Circle of Life." Yeah, a talking lion voiced by Darth Vader got it - we're in this together. Let's WORK together to make it not suck.

Marigold, calling for more love in the world, saying good-night!

Ladies of Les Miserables, Part One

http://kcrabb88.wordpress.com/2013/01/15/so-les-miserables-is-it-worth-all-the-hype/

This, my dear readers, is my beloved sister's blog! She's a nerd, just like me - yes, the one I posted about a week ago. Over the years, she has gotten me into so much: Pirates of the Caribbean, Phantom of the Opera, RENT, and that's just a partial list. I'm still proud of myself for getting her into Kenshin, because we can both agree that Kenshin got her into writing. I'm also so very proud to say that, at least partially, writing fan fiction led to a BA and a Master's degree having to do with writing! Okay, though, I could seriously go on all day about how proud I am of my Katie!

On to the subject at hand! I remember that on the list, I promised to spotlight the ladies of musical theater, so with Katie having just posted about Les Miserables, that seemed like the thing to do. For ease of typing and your ease of reading, the picture/show will hereafter be referred to as "Les Mis." Also, a slight disclaimer: I'm nowhere near as "up" on Les Mis as Katie is, so I am going only on the interpretation of the movie version. I need to read the book and see the film version as soon as possible, and after that it is entirely likely that I will do a second draft of this post and posts to come. Since I have class at 3:30, I'm splitting this up lady by by lady.

Okay, with all that out of the way, here's my take on things. If you want the plot summary and all, go read Katie's blog. I'm not SparkNotes and I kind of stink at summarizing things - no, really, I'll try and tell the story word-for-word, bursting into songs from at least three other musicals. I'm just here to talk about the ladies in the film version. I'm sure we've all heard that if Anne Hathaway does not walk away with the little gold man for Best Supporting Actress, there will be a class-action suit against the Academy. Or something like that... That's just my personal opinion, largely because I happen to adore Anne Hathaway. However, the ladies of Les Mis are pretty widely varied, actually, and I like to see that.

Let's go with the lady we see first and the lady we were all dying to see: Fantine, as portrayed by Anne Hathaway. Now, I would have liked more context as to why the ladies in the factory had such total contempt for Fantine. Yes, I got it that they wanted her gone, and maybe I was missing some things (I am on the autism spectrum), but I would have liked more of the "why" there. Long story short, Fantine has refused to let the foreman of the factory sleep with her, and for some reason this gets under the other ladies' skin. When it comes to light that Fantine has a child, presumably out of wedlock, she is dismissed from the factory. The letter she received said that her child needed a doctor and there was no time to lose - we'll come to that later. So, in an effort to save her child, she first sells her hair, then at least one tooth (I turned my head), and then... herself.

Here's where I come to my first "grr!" moment. Okay, in a lot of these West End-based musicals, and much literature that is... well... pre-2000, this is what usually happens to prostitutes. No matter why she is a sex worker, she is automatically on the "naughty" list. And the literary "naughty" list is a lot more dangerous than Santa's. Girls on the "naughty" list die. There are probably a few exceptions, but I honestly cannot think of them right now. "Naughty" list girls/women include: Lucy from Jekyll and Hyde, Mrs. Lovett from Sweeney Todd, and Mimi from RENT. Yes, I know that Mrs. Lovett wasn't a prostitute and Mimi came back. But that's another insidious part of the literary "naughty" list - if you don't fit into the extremely narrow definition of "nice," then you're naughty.

So, obviously, Fantine dies. I've asked Katie and she said that Fantine dies of consumption (what they called TB/tuberculosis in those days) but the film doesn't give you much context. Without that context, it can be easily assumed that she dies of an STD. Either way, her death can be perceived as punitive because she stepped out of line, even though she did so to save her child. There are many references in literature to punishing women because of sex. Desdemona in Othello was killed, not because she actually did anything, but because her husband was led to believe she did. Fantine and Desdemona both tell us something very important about women in literature: they do not belong to themselves, and a woman's sexuality is a bad thing that she must be punished for.

Did Anne Hathaway do the role of Fantine justice? Yes. Did she also show that, in much of literature, no matter what a woman does, she can never win? Yes. Nothing she does to save her child matters to society, because she already screwed up by having Cosette out of wedlock in the first place. Now, because of Hugo's religious overtones, it is clearly shown that she goes to heaven. He seems to have a vision of God and the church, Catholic in particular, that is fundamentally good and forgiving. So, while her actions are punished on Earth, with hatred from other women and abuse at the hands of numerous johns, and the fundamentally flawed human law, she has her reward with God. However, I still have a bone to pick with that. I'm not going to give my religious views here one way or the other, but I don't how Fantine's circumstances could be perceived: "What happened to her was okay because she did it for her child and then she went to Heaven." It excuses the systematic abuse of women who "step out of line."

Take a look at that word "systematic." From now on, when you're reading or watching a movie or seeing a show, take a closer look at how the women are treated. Not just the leading lady or precious angel or, basically, whoever the hero has to save. Yes, even look at the villains - female villains are often killed more brutally than male villains. So very much of literature justifies the treatment of women as property, as objects, and at best second-class citizens. Now, I'm not telling you you can't still like Sleeping Beauty or Othello, but I am telling you to take a closer look at your entertainment.

Marigold, about to get dressed for class, signing out!

Sorry for the lack of post yesterday!

I must warn you, my lovelies, that I am once again in college. Given that I do advocate responsibility and personal accountability, I would be a hypocrite if I didn't at least try to put school first. I ended up crashing at something like 7 PM last night after my first full day of classes. I only have one class today, so it looks like Magical Girl Power may now update predominantly on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends.

All right! That bit of business out of the way, and now I have something to say on the subject of respecting people of both genders at conventions. With my first con of the year, MomoCon in Atlanta, Ga., coming up, I feel this needs bringing up. I know cons are a great place to see people and stuff that you never thought you'd see in your life. It's so easy to just whip out a phone and snap a few pictures, but put the brakes on! For the sake of everyone's personal comfort - and possible safety issues - please ask before you take a picture of any person!

Believe it or not, some people at cons are actually really shy. I don't care if she's the most perfect Sailor Moon or he's the best Spike Spiegel you've ever seen. It's the respectful and polite thing to do to just walk up and ask before you start snapping. And, again, please be prepared to take 'no' for an answer. They may be in a hurry, or not comfortable with someone they don't know taking a picture of them. And no, you don't get to say "Well, it's just part of going to a con, getting your picture taken!" That's putting you, not them, in control of their body and personal space, and that's not okay. Yes, it also counts if there are still twenty people standing around taking pictures. Before you snap, ask.

One exception: If there is a scheduled photoshoot going on. See what's going on at that particular con for details on photoshoots and whatnot. You may want to just check with whoever's heading things up or a few of the cosplayers - it's polite to introduce yourself regardless, particularly if you want to post your pictures. If you frequently take pictures at a con, it may be worth your while to print up little bits of paper (doesn't have to be formal business cards) identifying you and giving your link. People are normally more okay with getting their pictures taken if they know where to go find them. And, please, if the subject of one of your photos expresses discomfort or asks you to take a picture down, it's the right thing to do to respect their wishes.

This stuff is probably common sense to most of us, I realize. I'm only posting it as 1. a reminder, and 2. so we can continue to watch after each other and make cons better places. I've heard so many people over the last few years talk about how cons are going downhill. In some cases, I agree - and a lot of it is because people seem to just be forgetting their manners and when that happens, instead of trying to set things right, people just leave. That's not making things any better. When you love something, really love it, you have to be willing to work to make it better.

Marigold/Hyper-chan, looking forward to Momo-Con already, returning to Criminal Minds!

Can we just delete the phrase "Asking for it"?

http://www.thenation.com/blog/172156/asking-it#

I don't want to make this blog entirely about commentary from other people's articles, but Jessica Valenti is a feminist whom I respect. I have read all of her books and loved them - she tells it like it is. And in her article for The Nation, she makes some terribly good points. Please, go click the link and, before you even read the piece, look at the picture at the top. I feel this is extremely, terrifyingly pertinent to the con scene: a young woman in a nun's habit bearing a sign that says "Clothes don't make you rape-proof." I always hear people complaining about skimpy costumes and saying that, well, if things happen at cons, well then that's just part of life.

STAMP ON IT! Just squash that thought right freaking now. Here, I'll break it down real, real simple. Lists make everything a little easier, don't they.

Things that do not cause rape:

• Wearing "skimpy" or "risque" costumes.
• Portraying very sexual characters (Faye Valentine, for example)
• Drinking.
• Doing the first two and drinking.
• Making out.
• Sex.

Things that cause rape:

• A culture that protects, glorifies, and promotes male entitlement.
• Victim-blaming (men AND women do this).
• Misinformation of what rape is - much of it intentional.
• ... RAPISTS.

I'm sure all of you have seen Slave Leia outfits and Orion slave girls and Harley Quinn's in latex. Are they sexy? Yes! Yes, they are! Is it okay to fantasize and think bad, bad, naughty things about them - character or cosplayer? Yes! Am I here to rain on your parade or tell you what you can and can't think is sexy and beautiful and awesome? No. Is it ever, ever, ever okay to touch any person without their consent? NO!

Here's an easy thing to remember: Yes means yes. Just to be on the safe side, please go with "Anything other than yes means no." Don't be that guy. Recognize that our society has really, really screwy ideas of what's macho. And on the flip side, am I calling you a misogynist for wanting to cosplay Han Solo or Thor or anybody else? NO! You can be a manly-man all you want! That's cool by me! Just don't translate "manly-man" into "raging, misogynistic jerkbag." Please, do not make me insult your intelligence by making me explain the difference.

I love con guys. Y'all are a great bunch and I certainly wouldn't have stayed in the con scene for so long if I hadn't felt accepted and loved and safe all these years. I got my first kiss at a convention! Being raised Roman Catholic and in a small town in the South, conventions opened my eyes to sex-, body-, and female-positivity. What's really sad, though, is that while we frown on the frat boys, some con guys have even worse ideas of women and here's why... Because the girls they (we) are working at aren't real. There is no way to measure up to that, and the fantasy worlds some of these men create are dangerous to real, live women. What I'm asking you, men of the nerd set, to do is this: recognize where things are screwy and speak up. Guess what? Aretha Franklin had it right - guys who RESPECT girls are the ones who wind up getting REALLY GOOD action!

Let me run that by you guys again. This is going to sound really patronizing, but it's so sad that so many guys don't know this. Those of you who already know this, bear with me and repeat it long and loud to the dudes who don't know: when you treat a woman like a person, not an object, good things happen. A woman who is not intimidated or pressured is a woman who is more likely to share her own desires - and you can be pleasantly surprised by what she wants. Yep! When she feels safe, she feels good, and when she feels good, she is likely to want to share that.

Before I go any further and touch the concept of "friendzoning", I'm going to just say "That's another show!" and return to watching The Avengers!

Marigold/Hyper-chan, cuddling a puppy on the couch, wishing you a good night!

Pick-up Lines are Fun to Joke About

Can we agree that it's time they stop being used "for serious"? Not trying to be a buzzkill - I'm sure they've worked for somebody at some point, but whatever. I personally find them tired, obnoxious, and if I really look at it carefully, kind of insidious! Ladies, are you tired of lines like... Oh, let me think of some of the gems I've heard... There's the classic "Did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven?" and all the seventy zillion incarnations of that? At best, it's mildly funny. Yes, sometimes it's a conversation-starter... when you can tell he's oh-so-totally joking. Nice guys aren't serious about lines like that, right? At the worst, it's just annoying, right?

Well, give this a think: when a guy uses a pick-up line AND HE'S SERIOUS, guess what that means! It means he thinks that he is somehow entitled to your time. (Parenthetic note: Everyone has different things that they are and are not comfortable with. If something rubs you or me the wrong way and we don't agree, that's cool.) Pick-up lines, "hollering at" women, staring, leering, drooling - at best, they're kind of funny and at worst they're just kind of annoying. But ladies, what about that creepy feeling it might give you? That feeling of "I'd better at least give him a pity laugh or he'll get mad." And what if you give him that pity laugh and he takes that as an okay and all of a sudden you're stuck making small talk with this guy for fear of seeming "rude." It's not "nice" to just walk away from some dumb jerkbag who thinks your time is his... just because!

Bump the hell out of that! This behavioral garbage is nothing more than a sense of entitlement! Yep! You read that right! Just because someone is female, males are magically entitled to her time. Ladies, guess what belongs to you? Guess. YOU do. Your body, your smile, your eye contact, your space, your time. You deserve the right to smile at someone because it's a decent, human thing to do - we are BORN to smile! We all are! Look at all the pictures of smiling babies! People write down baby's first smile in the baby book! You do not deserve to have to smile at some guy and pretend his rubbishy line was funny just because of that lingering thought "How bad could he hurt me if he wanted to?" And that's what it is, isn't it? Every time you pity-laugh, or give him that "eeeh..." smile, hide in a book to avoid making eye contact because there's a dude at the bookstore staring at you.

It's fear. You know what fear does? It limits you. It limits everyone. As Alton Brown says, however, that's another show. I have a LOT to say on the culture of fear - and not just involving women. Instead of lamenting, however, let's move on to practical things we can do to counter fear.

Guys, here's a tip (not promoting chauvinist, protectivist attitudes): if you wouldn't like someone saying something to your mother, your sister, your best female friend, cousin, aunt, daughter - any woman in your life - do not say it to a woman you do not know. Guys again, guess what? When you step back and take a look at your behavior, you may be doing things that creep women out without even knowing it! This can be especially true (I know stereotypes are baaaaaaaad things, but some people exemplify them) at a convention.

Some basics that I think we can all agree on:

• Refrain from commenting on someone's personal appearance or body.
• Okay comment: "Cool costume - you make a great Arwen." 
• Not-okay comment: "Nice legs!"

Do I really need to tell you that if you have nothing constructive to say, please do us all a favor and keep destructive comments to yourself? Again, whole 'nother show, mostly having to do with body positivity and safe space. Moving on!

• Do not touch any person without their consent.
• Yes, that does mean ask before hugging. Some people are really not touchy.
• Every person's body is their own. Be prepared to take no for an answer. Sorry, not sorry, but if you cannot take the word "no" for an answer, please stay home.
•  Take personal space into account.
• Err on the side of caution. To ensure comfort of both parties, please take the larger person's arm's length as a good "yardstick."
• If a place is too crowded/loud for comfortable conversing, agree to take the conversation to a less crowded place. (This also keeps the noise level down - inside voices, please!)
• If someone backs away from you, it just means you are too close. Don't take it personally. Some folks have a bigger "bubble" than others.
• Don't sniff people.
• No, seriously, I've had that problem.

Like I've said, our cons are where we, as people who are "different", need to feel safe just the way we are. Also, I'd really like to let everyone know, I'm not all about "RAWR! UGH! Men against women and women against men!" No. I am strictly for cohesion, not so much competition. For this dynamic to work out, we all need to be working together to play by a few simple rules. ... Just in case anyone on security from any con is reading this, do take horseplay outside and other play to hotel rooms!

Marigold/Hyper-chan, saying (in Yakko Warner's voice) "Good night, everybody!"

Not even a week in...

... and I'm already having to say something that has nothing to do with feminism or being a nerd. I've been driving for a good long time now, and something finally happened: I hit and killed a possum. It happened as you might expect - totally by accident. My friend and I were on a drive in the night and we were laughing and talking and, it was my fault, I wasn't paying as close of attention as I should. I still feel terrible. I'm not looking for your sympathy, though. I'm looking for help.

We cannot teach wild animals that roads are dangerous things. It's just not going to happen. So, I feel it's up to us to make the world a little safer for them. I have read about things like wildlife fences and critter-passes, little passageways under busy roads to make crossings safe for animals. A lot of people don't know these things exist, and people can't care if they don't know. I encourage everyone who reads this blog to do their research. Start writing local transit authorities and road managers - always start local. Yes, it's going to come down to money, but if we all pitched in as much as we could, I'm sure funds could be found to make the world a bit safer for animals.

Here's what really bothers me: people have been telling me "It was only a possum, so it's okay." No, no, and a world of no! If it had, gods-forbid, been a dog or a cat or even a bunny or something, people would have been crying with me. Critters like possums and armadillos (especially down here in the South) have people trying to run over them on purpose. I'm not even going to start on how people go out of their way to kill reptiles with their cars. One, this is psychopathic behavior - cruelty to animals is part of the homicidal triad. So remember that next time you see that big scary snake on the side of the road - ask yourself "Am I a psychopath who kills animals that are not doing me a bit of harm?" I pray the answer is no.

My point is, you can't just get bent out of shape over the creatures that mainstream society deems cute and cuddly. If you really care about the natural world, you aren't picking and choosing. Well, we all hear things like "Possums are just mean!" and "Those awful things carry rabies, so go on and kill 'em!" Hog-fracking-wash. There is no animal anywhere that is "just mean" and you can easily spot a rabid specimen if you (again!) just go do your homework and look it up. In general, you should leave any wild animal you see alone, no matter how cute it is in a Disney movie. Even if you loved The Lion King, you wouldn't go up to a lion and try to pet it, would you? Well, any animal can bite if it feels threatened, even if it's not "King of the Jungle." And just because it's not a creature that is not aesthetically appealing to you doesn't mean it's "mean" or "evil" or anything of the sort.

Animals need our help - all of them. I actually just got a custom T-shirt made (BangOn in Little 5 Points in Atlanta, Georgia - support local business!) that supports this statement. It's got the silhouettes of a catfish, an armadillo, and a vulture. Underneath is the legend "Ugly critters need love too." If you'd like the graphic so that you can have a similar T-shirt (or other item of clothing) made just for you, please contact me and I'd be glad to send it to you. Honestly, you don't even have to give me credit. I'm not making any money off it and the message needs to go out there. It's so true - the animals society deems "creepy" and "ugly" - I feel - actually need MORE love than the cute ones. We'll always have pandas and elephants and lions and gorillas because people want them here. Every animal has a place in the Circle of Life, so let's do our part to make it safe!

Marigold/Hyper-chan, in memory of Steve Irwin, over and out!

A First Voyage into Femi-nerdism

As I mentioned, I am a ten-year veteran of the convention scene, mostly here in the Southeast. Of course, Anime Weekend Atlanta 9 was not my first foray into nerdism. If I may go back a ways, I believe my first anime was a 3-episode OVA that was squashed down into a 1-hour kids' movie called Serendipity the Pink Dragon. Fast-forward to middle school, I saw Sailor Moon's last run on Cartoon Network and began collecting the VHS's after they cut it (we were about to meet Sailor Venus!). A year or so down the road, I happened across Rurouni Kenshin.

Here, with a red-haired, sword-carrying, scar-faced weirdo, I began assisting a person who is very, very special to me on her own journey into open nerdism. My best friend/sister Katie is the biggest nerd I know, besides my mom. She's the closest thing to a real-life Hermione Granger you will ever meet in your life. Ballerina as a youngling, rode and showed horses when we were in grade school, swam competitively for nine (or was it ten?) years and STILL graduated with honors. Katie, I love you with all my heart, but hearing you kvetch about an occasional "B" gave me migraines! But seriously, terrific grades and a bit neurotic about getting them. I am so intensely proud of her, for more reasons than one.

When we were sophomores in high school, Katie had some family tragedies. Since I haven't Skyped with her tonight, I don't know how comfortable she is with me detailing them here. To be on the safe side, let it suffice to say that her father became very ill. While her mom was busy a lot of the time with her dad in the hospital, Katie was over at the house a lot. I had been collecting the Rurouni Kenshin DVD's one at a time - this was when the DVD's were still coming out! We would have Kenshin marathons that went on until my mom came down and yelled at us to go to bed.

During all this, I don't even rightly remember how, but I had discovered the reading of fan fiction. I've got a vague recollection of writing something in the Pokemon universe while in the sixth grade, but I barely count that - it went nowhere. Either way, I read a lot of Sailor Moon, Rurouni Kenshin, Fushigi Yuugi (wound up hating the series of that) and Gundam Wing fics. Somewhere along the line, I fell in love... with Captain Souzou Sagara of Rurouni Kenshin. With all the enthusiasm and pure love of a sixteen-year-old girl, touched by his Enjolras-like story, I launched off into my writing. It dominated my life. I wrote in class, wrote at home... I'd spend HOURS glued to the computer, just clickety-clacking away on the keyboard.

Katie was having a truly rotten time of it all and that's the truth. While her dad was sick, I shared my fan fiction with her. While we watched Kenshin, we talked about stuff we wished would happen in the series... and talking turned into writing. I actually still have all the truly god-awful stories we cobbled together in the middle of the night. If you want to see them, please HESITATE to ask! I'm sure Katie could tell the story much differently than I could, but I'm just telling you how I remember. Not to take credit where credit's not due, but I would dearly like to think that I helped the special-est person in my life through the absolute shittiest time in hers.

Well, that's as much of the story as I can put in print! I'm sure I'll be on Skype with Katie tonight after I see Les Mis for the fifth time in theaters. I'll run this article by her and see if maybe she'll grace us with her version of the story in the comments! To view Katie's own nerd blog, please visit http://kcrabb88.wordpress.com/!!

Back to my old alter-ego for tonight, Serenity-chan, over and out!

After reading "Rape is Not An Accident"

Linky here! http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/01/09/rape-is-not-an-accident/

It does occur to me that I should probably post this once my blog is reaching more people, but not to worry - I can always re-post. In fact, please expect me to do so around the timing of major cons and other nerd events here in the Southeast. If you live outside the Southeast and you want the people of your particular nerddom to see this, please contact me and let me know! All that said, moving on:

If you read the link, like I hope you did, you got that the Legend of the Accidental Rapist is a load of mule muffins. Bull cookies. Horse hockey. You know it, I know it - it's just not effing true. I don't care if you know a guy who knows a guy who such-and-such happened too. Wikipedia - whether or not you take it as a credible source, feel free to check the ones at the bottom - has from the FBI that false accusations of rape are between 2% and 8%, depending on what data you're looking at. Under 5% and you're looking at not even statistically/mathematically/scientifically significant. Which means, while it is possible, it's one of those things that's not very LIKELY. Like how you're more likely to die in a car crash than being stomped into the ground by a raging bull elephant... 

Now, here we come to a subject that just makes me all kinds of sad. I don't know how often this kind of thing happens at cons. The part of me that wants to retain some faith in humanity doesn't WANT to know how often it happens at cons. I don't know if there are legitimately-obtained statistics on the matter (yes, I know the line about lies, damn lies, and statistics...) or how to go about getting them. All I can tell you here on this blog, from me myself personally, is what has happened to me. I could give you anecdotal evidence, stories told to me by other con-goers, but I would rather have those stories typed direct from them before I start posting anything from anyone other than me here. My dear readers, if you have a story for me, please (FOR THE LOVE OF TROUSERS) contact me and we'll get it up here. 

I'm not here to ruin anybody's fun. I'm not trying to rain on the Dragon*Con parade or prevent anyone from having a good time. I love my cons and, on principle, I love the people who go to these cons - but every set has its bad apples. From my understanding, nerdism has traditionally been a self-regulating environment. If there's a creep and people find out about it, said creep is out on his ass. However, I feel it's time to take convention safety a step forward. I'm not talking about people swordfighting in aisles, barfing off balconies in the Hyatt Regency, or general horseplay. I've been part of some of those shenanigans myself and it's all good, clean fun. What I'm talking about is alcohol and sexual safety. (Not giving you a lecture on condoms - just use the damn things!) 

If there is a man known to creep on girls/touch without consent/get pushy with women who are drinking or drunk, it's time to more than self-regulate him. It's time to go to one of the nice policemen who are lovely enough to be at our cons to keep us safe. One of my favorite lines of nerddom is this, "In life, we are all strange - at con, we are all strange together." In my opinion, it's time to carry that over into seriously taking care of each other. It's our responsibility to keep an eye on each other. If you see something shady going on, do something about it. Use the buddy system - one of you stay to keep an eye on the situation while the other goes to find a member of con security or a policeman. We are our con-brothers' and con-sisters' keepers. When something bad happens at a con, it reflects badly on all of us.

Basic rundown: 

1. Keep your hands to yourself until someone tells you otherwise - ask before you touch anything or anyone and be prepared to take no for an answer.
2. If you see anyone not following #1, either say something to him yourself or get a con security member/police officer.
3.  ---

Ugh... It makes me sick trying to write one of these lists. Part of me wants to be snarky and put some of the rules from http://www.thisisnotaninvitationtorapeme.co.uk/ up on here. But there's the list, so if you want to read them, go read them. I know y'all have good sense! USE IT! Don't touch people without asking, forget all this crap about the Legend of the Accidental Rapist... If you have any questions about consent, ask the person you are attempting to hook up with! I know what goes on at cons! I'm not sex-negative by any means! Go have fun - lots of safe, consensual fun! And if you see some creep not playing by the rules, it's our responsibility to ourselves and other nerds to toss 'em! And not just out of the con - I want to see some CHARGES pressed. 

I'm sure this entry will improve over time, but the message will stay the same: cons are, for all intents and purposes, a safe - even sacred - space where people who are different feel accepted and normal. It makes me sick that some of the guys at Dragon*Con or wherever are no better than the guys on Frat Row or the "dumb jocks" we all decried/decry in school. These cons are OUR cons, and it is our responsibility to make them safe for people of all shapes, sizes, genders, makes, models, and loves.

Marigold/Hyper-chan, on a serious subject, over and out!

Some ideas for this blog - a list:

• A spotlight on certain ladies of anime/manga
• Sailor Moon - an in-depth looksee at each Sailor
• The ladies of Rurouni Kenshin
• A look at the girls of Azumanga Daioh
• Hayao Miyazaki's wonderful female characters of awesomeness!
• Pet Shop of Horrors and its foci on genders/relations/etc.
• The women of musical theater
• Phantom of the Opera
• RENT
• Wicked
• Les Miserables
• Hairspray
• Mamma Mia!
• Across the Universe
• Sweeney Todd
• The Sound of Music
• West Side Story
• Female cosplayers
• Crossplayers
• Ladies of the Renaissance Faire
• Disney
• Ladies of Disney
• Ideas of romance/dreams/actions/etc.
• Body image and Disney
• The. Hair.
• BDSM and Nerds
• Jeff Mach's Wicked Winter Faire feature

And so much more!!

I suppose some of these ideas listed are more specific to "blog" entries than any sort of journaling, and this blog is evidently going to be a mixture of both. Okay, let me say this: I despise essays. Not to toot my own horn - I'm good at writing them, but I hate them. Five-paragraph essays are the worst things in the history of ever. However, for the sake of my... I have readers, right? Assuming that, yes, I do have readers, for their/your/y'all's sakes, I shall attempt to organize my blog entries. Hopefully, this will lean them somewhat towards essay format and away from rant-y infovomit.

By the way, if you happen to have a subject you would like me to touch on, please! Don't hesitate to let me know! I love feedback, suggestions, comments, marriage proposals, Bronx cheers, and various animal sounds! Okay, maybe hold the marriage proposals, but everything else is a fair shot...

Marigold/Hyper-chan, out for the night!

First Lesson!

I'm gonna try to stay off my soapbox today - I'll have a stage to occupy soon enough! Yesterday, I had my very first burlesque coaching session. My teacher is a lovely, wonderful woman who is, unsurprisingly, very incredibly female-positive! We had a load of interesting, amazing conversation in between getting progress made. I need to look up her blog, come to think of it! Once I do that, if it's okay with her, I'll link on here!

I did have to get it off my chest that I grew up in not only a female-negative environment but also an "attention-negative" environment. My mom is a very strong, intelligent woman in her own right and I love her to death, but she is painfully shy. She would rather give blood WHILE having a root canal than have anyone look at her for any reason, and she will admit this. I know she didn't mean to, but she sort of tried to transfer that onto me - that is just not my personality. However, when you hear things like "You're doing this for ATTENTION" and "That little *insert insult here* just wants ATTENTION" and the people who are saying it sound like they're spitting it? Yeah, you get the feeling that attention is a dirty word and you feel bad for wanting to perform.

Okay, kind of enough about that - I'm sure it'll pop up later. Logically, I know that performance, known in the animal kingdom as displaying, is a perfectly natural desire. If no one ever wanted anyone else to look at them, I doubt we would be very successful as a species. Plus, we have this gigantic thing called the entertainment issue. Those people had to want attention, want people to look at them, for them to be able to have a career being in front of and entertaining other people. I had never thought about that in depth until just recently. Also, if you paid attention in bio class (which, admittedly, I only kinda did) you know that we are not the only performing species. You get five points if you can name to me another species that does it!

Anyway, my teacher and I went through preliminary, sort of experimental choreography for my first number. I'm really excited about it! I've always loved Frank Sinatra's music and "Nice 'n Easy" is a song of his that I've done many times on the karaoke stage. From my research, burlesque performers who do their own singing are somewhat unique in the field. Yes, I do plan on doing my own singing in my burlesque performance... but at a later date. First things first - get the techniques down, practice stage movement, nail a routine down, all that kind of thing.

With the techniques, I only really had two issues: glove and stocking peels. The glove peel is something I just need to practice and I need to keep my teacher's words in mind. It's not about the glove, it's about the hand underneath. I had never really thought of my hands as sexy before, and certainly not something that could be the subject of a striptease. A little practice with my teacher and she said I was definitely on the right track! I need to pick up a pair of gloves to practice on my own with, and I'm really looking forward to that - especially once my nails grow back. (Side note: I grow my nails out to about half an inch because it's fun to paint them and file them.)

On the flip side, the stocking peel seemed to be a physical issue rather than a performance technique issue. You know that thing burlesque performers do where they pull their stockings off by the toes? Yeah, I've seen a zillion videos of that, seen performers do it in the shows I've seen live, and I just couldn't figure out how they did that without tearing up their stockings. We tried talcum powder because (sorry, TMI!) of my heel calluses - I have a walking-heavy lifestyle. It turned out to be a structure issue - once I changed stockings, it worked just fine. The only two technique issues were, 1. scrunching the stocking down instead of rolling it, and 2. sheer pantyhose underneath. So, at some point, I'll need to pop by the dance shop and get some sheer, low rise dance tights. Apparently, the newer styles of "regular" pantyhose come with a reinforced crotch. That would make panties look lumpy in places they really don't need to, so it's the Hooters route for me!

Stage movement is something that I'm shaky on simply because I don't have a lot of formal training on the subject. BEING on-stage is certainly nothing new to me. I've been singing karaoke in my home town and all over the place for many years now. People who have known me for all or most of that time have told me that my presence has changed for the better. Now, this is just me - and not that I don't trust my friends - but I would like to get a professional's opinion. If I can, I'd like to pick up a basic dance class of some kind, maybe ballet or tap. I don't know if there's specifically a stage movement class at my college that is open to people who are not theater majors. Maybe I can ask some actor/theater friends of mine... My teacher said she was impressed with my preparedness, and I want to continue that for sure!

A routine... Oh my goodness! I haven't done a stage routine in quite a long time. Well, okay, we kinda-sorta had some choreography for a scene of Gilbert and Sullivan's Iolanthe for opera. That's been almost a year ago now, though, and our director was not a dance person. (Not to say there's no love there - she was totally a sweetheart, terrific singing voice!) Before that, I think the last time I actually did a routine on-stage was for my fourth-grade talent show... My friend Laurel's mom had the idea to dress us all up as birds and have us dance to "Rockin' Robin" by Bobby Day. Again, Ms. Suzan and all of us just sort of put the routine together with this and that. From what I remember, it turned out very cute! Anyhow, I have no reasonable idea how to properly choreograph a routine. I've danced in front of my mirror, of course, and I do have some go-to moves. Mostly, though, it's just turns on heels with some hand movements thrown in. I wish I could remember what I did for my lesson so I would know what to practice!

So that was my first burlesque lesson! I won't give out spoilers for the routine itself, just in case anyone out there in blog-land ever sees it. It was a lot of fun and it occurs to me that I need to set up a space where I can practice without knocking things over... My outfit needs a little work, a little decoration, but my teacher says that I'll be ready to perform in probably two or three more sessions!

Marigold/Hyper-chan, signing off!

Mostly on Body Positivity and Burlesque... Mostly!

All right, lovelies - here's the deal: I had planned for my next blog entry to be a spotlight on the women of Rurouni Kenshin, an anime series near and dear to my heart. However, due to circumstances beyond my comprehension (namely, putting pictures to blog) I won't. Do not rule it out for a later entry once I work all that tech-y stuff out! There is, however, another extenuating circumstance that I feel is pertinent and worthy of blogosphere reporting!

Tomorrow, I visit Miss K. L. (name withheld) for my first-ever session of burlesque dance coaching. Yes, this does have roots in my very own nerdism. My first exposure to anything burlesque-related, to my recollection, was the stripper mouse scene in Disney's The Great Mouse Detective. Of course, many hours spent with the Looney Tunes (and a scene in The Mask based thereupon) fueled the fire. I don't guess everyone here is really all that interested in the journey from there.

Point is, I'm fulfilling a dream of mine: to perform. Yes, burlesque can be sensual/sexual/sexy in nature. For a good while, it was one of the main ways a woman performer could control her own career, from information I have acquired. Currently, according to my research and (albeit limited) experience, it is a female-dominated body-positive form of performance art. It celebrates beauty of all shapes and sizes. I'd go into the whole history of it, but I'm a bit tired at the moment to do all that research, cite all those sources, and write the equivalent of a college paper here. Y'all came to read a blog and a blog's what you'll get! (If you want more information on the origins of burlesque performance, I'd be happy to share my links with you - just ask me!)

Why is it coming up in Magical Girl Power! you ask? No, it has nothing to do with anime (at least not until I actually do a number to Sailor Moon's transformation sequence) or fandom, etc. It's coming up here 1. because it's my blog and I'm happy to share, and 2. body image is a human thing, and feminism is a human issue. Body positivity is something I'm going to touch on A LOT in dealing
with the con scene, anime, fantasy, sci-fi, and other nerd-tastic subjects.

Thing the first! What is body positivity? Good question, darlings! In my opinion (and I would assume at least some other people share this view) body positivity is the attitude that there is no wrong way to have a body. People come in all shapes and sizes and colors and levels of fitness and every other possible variation. That's cool as all hell. All I say is that if you're going to be body-positive, you need to be health-positive. Whatever kind of body you have, please - I implore you - treat it with love and respect! Burlesque, to me, is a form of performance art that promotes body positivity. Go on YouTube and look up burlesque performances. You will see ladies (and some gentlemen and everybody in between) of so many body types and performers of all skill levels.

Small side note: does this mean you have to find every body type attractive? No. That's just not realistic. There are going to be some things that you, yourself personally, do not find attractive or sexy or what have you. That's your prerogative. You can be body-positive and celebrate the beauty of every person without finding them a sexy, sexy thing. The key to body positivity is respect: respect for your own body and the bodies of others, regardless of physical attraction.

Back to burlesque - the other reason this is coming up in a feminist nerd's blog: Double. Freaking. Standards. Boys/Dudes/Gentlemen/Males-Biologically-or-Not, I am talking to you! You (okay, we!) drool over Orion slave girls and Princess Leia in her metal bikini and Felicia from DarkStalkers. And that's cool - I do it too. The issue is what I would like to call drooling respectfully. Respect that a girl/woman's sexuality/sensuality is HERS. It is for her. Burlesque is a lovely, wonderful way for her to CHOOSE to share that with an audience.

Let me repeat that: A WOMAN'S SEXUALITY IS NOT FOR YOU. Not even if she's portraying the character who's been the star of every X-rated dream you've ever had. Not even if she's wearing a skimpy costume. Not even if she's taking her clothes off on-stage. Don't even get me started on if she's had a drink or two...

My point is that burlesque is a way for a woman to own her sexual power, even flaunt it, in a safe environment. That means "no touchy" unless the performer specifically tells you that you can. For me, that's a powerful thing - I've been there. I would be willing to be money that about 90% of female convention-goers have been touched without their consent in some way. There's always some dummy who thinks that short skirt means he can help himself to a feel of the behind under it. Burlesque is a performance art that a woman chooses of her own volition because it makes her feel good. Think of it as her way of offering to share her sexuality with you - respect her courage to do so!

I'm really nervous going into my first lesson. I am a perfectionist by nature and I don't tolerate it well when I mess up. My lesson is a four-hour session and I still need to get my outfit together. Wish me luck! Apologies for getting a little rant-y on only my second post. Beware, however - these topics WILL be reappearing, particularly when con season starts to pick up...

Marigold/Hyper-chan, out!

Salutations!

Hello, darlings! Welcome to yet another blogger's obligatory introductory post! My name is... Well, my name's not important, but you can call me Marigold... Or Hyper-chan, since I do answer to that too. I am, in short, a nerd and a geek and a dork and a weirdo - you take your pick of which is your favorite! I love ugly animals like aardvarks and hyenas and catfish, I sing at the top of my voice in all kinds of places, and fish rock my world.

There, now that's out of the way. With that done, here's some more in a somewhat more organized fashion, I should hope. Let's move right on into the meat of the subject - the purpose of this blog. While your somewhat-regularly-scheduled randomness and cuteification is all well and good, this blog DOES have a purpose:

One, I am a ten-year veteran of the nerd convention scene. I started out at Anime Weekend Atlanta 9 when I was just shy of sixteen years old. Since then, I have been to Dragon*Con, MegaCon, MetroCon, MomoCon, Jeff Mach's Wicked Winter Faire, the Georgia Renaissance Festival, the Hoggetowne Medieval Faire in Gainesville, Florida - all for multiple years. It's been a long, strange trip through the years, but I can honestly say I've loved all my cons and most of the people there! I've made a bunch of friends that I'm proud to know (you know who you are!) and even aided in converting my sister to nerd-ism!

Two, I am a feminist. Yes, you can be a feminist and a nerd, a con-goer, a magical girl, an anime girl, a cat-girl, a pirate, a fairy princess, a Disney princess, and anything else you want to be. Any sentence that starts out "You can't be a feminist and..." says to me that the speaker has missed the point of feminism.

I've started this blog to combine my passions. Hence, the title - yes, it IS a shoutout to the Spice Girls... I do believe that anime (while, yes, it does have its faults) and nerd culture (I'll be talking to you too, don't worry!) can be very female-positive. Yes, there's some stuff that's so female-negative that you can't ignore it or sweep it under the rug or whatever. Perspective, however, is a powerful thing and I think it's time that both feminism and nerdism changed theirs.

So yes, that's this blog and me! I've been meaning to do this for some time, so why not right here in the new year! Marigold/Hyper-chan, over and out!